


Kyle’s Speeches

by PinkGluestick



Category: South Park
Genre: Adult Themes, Fluff, M/M, Protective Kyle, Romance, Violence, mature content, mature language, will lead to heavy material, will lead to sexual content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-08-28 09:34:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16720842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkGluestick/pseuds/PinkGluestick
Summary: Ratings and tags will change._____________UPDATE- I need to go back and fix every chapter from 1-7. It’s become more bearable to read my junk now, so I’m going back EVENTUALLY. It will be a while probably. I made this last chapter, because some of these messages to continue are F-ing  heartfelt. Trust me, though, chaps 1-7 really need work.END UPDATE______________Kyle still wants to find justice where there is none, and now Eric wants the same. Only, that’s impossible, and he’d like to save his idiot ‘friend’ the trouble.Eric’s a cop.Real stories without real names or locations. VIOLENCE will be mentioned.PLEASE BE CAREFUL VIEWINGThis is not good literature, try to save yourself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Short chapter to establish what’s going on. Poorly.  
> WARNING MENTION OF RAPE  
> NO DESCRIPTION BUT THE WORD IS THERE  
> BE CAREFUL VIEWING

“I hate to bother you with these kinds of things, but these great changes you’re looking to make aren’t going to happen. Not in this big city that’s happy with its pockets stuffed and it’s dirty values. You’re a good friend, and I want to see you prosper, but you can’t do it here.

“You’d need some kind of small, dingy town with impressionable politics to make any kind of difference, Kyle. And I don’t know any place like that, do you?”

No, Morgan wouldn’t. Nobody would. Not unless you’d spent some portion of your life there where you’d be witness to unfathomable madness. Luckily, Kyle had. And in his learnings, and college education in a far away place, he had forgotten that little mountain town that could desperately use his ideas.

He never forgot the faces there, and it was easy to separate the few great things like his best friends from the insanity surrounding them.

Maybe it was time to go back and do all those things he strived to as a child. Through countless speeches, petitions, and strife, Kyle hadn’t managed to do one thing right as a kid.

The town still wasn’t acknowledging the brilliance of hybrid cars, incapable of not being arrogant about driving one. It still didn’t handle its school shootings appropriately. Or at all. It still had a mayor with a mind space for indifference about the chaos consuming their town. It was still a toxic place to live, and it may have bred some of the biggest problematic people outside of Hollywood.

 

Working closely in the legal system, Kyle COULD do good things. He remembered how much the town had respected it’s only lawyer before him, his father. Especially since, unlike Kyle at the time, he was an adult, and that had some meaning.

That would be the only real change in all this, but Kyle could accept how frustrating the notion that a child was incapable of great change was now, and move forward. He was free from his brooding teenage years, and didn’t waste his time drowning in resentment for a place he tried, but was impossible, to forget. It made him crazy for years, including the first few spent in law school. He’d try to pretend that place hadn’t made him bitter and hateful, but it always caught up to him. 

More years passed by in a place far away, with a school full of all types of people. People like him who struggled to escape a small minded town, and Kyle could accept the place he had come from, and the ignorance it bred. He could accept it and understand it. 

Here he was sitting and thinking of all the things he could do there, and all the people he could finally help.

If the mayor would just push taxes on people who weren’t using efficient economical solutions, people choosing to dump grease in sinks and flush non flushables, and chuck oil in their front yard, the town could find a budget for Kenny to use welfare that covered dental and medical.

 

If he could maybe set an example using a hybrid car, maybe someone else might pick up on that, too. Yeah, then more people. Start small, fix the little things. Then they could save on gas expense and Stan could-

“What are you thinking about?”

“I don’t know.” Nothing probable. Nothing that could honestly change anything in the thick heads of South Park residents.

But, Kyle, for the first time since 14 to his 27th birthday, was going to try and NOT think about that. He was just going to TRY. Like he used to do. Just try.

Someone might listen now, and it wasn’t as if he didn’t have the political strings and background in law to turn some heads his direction. He knew what he was talking about. His ideas had some backing and were possible. HE could make them possible.

“I’m going somewhere.” Kyle finally said, more to himself.

“I know. I knew you were going to do something once you did that thing with your hands...... just be careful.”

“I really can’t be. I have to take some risks.”

“You’re green Kyle. Your intelligence and diploma mean nothing compared to your experience record. I know you’ve done cases in school, and you showed excellent bravado for insisting one man’s innocence in a rape case. Every one wants to blame someone for all the real injustice out here. They want to see someone punished for the sins committed and unscathed. And, I admit, if you hadn’t fought for Clarence’s innocence and proved it so, the wrong man would have been viscously executed.  
But you know what that is, Kyle? That’s one law student just proving to a whole city, a whole council of people, your fellow lawyers even, that you are finally worthy of your title. It doesn’t make you great yet, people aren’t going to see you as a threat or a promise.

“If you take risks now, you’ll lose everything. A young lawyer who fought and failed. You gotta quit caring so much.”

 

“You sound like a cop, Morgan.” Kyle stood and pulled his coat on. It was FREEZING in Maine, but November was something else entirely.

“Kyle don’t do it.”

“Just let me try a few things. I’ll come back if it doesn’t work out.”

“You’ll have nothing to come back to! This position is impossible to leave and take back. You’re working personally with detectives on special incidents. HOW you got this job so fresh and new is a miracle.”

 

“No, it was my work in Clarence.”

“Which was just to prove you could read your laws from your textbook.”

“It PROVED that I have great situational awareness, and I know how gloves work.”

Kyle stuffed his wallet in his pocket and fixed the lip of his coat around his neck. Then he threw on his scarf and stuffed it under.

“I WILL be back- Maybe not this job! I get it. But I’m not about to fall off the face of the earth. I’ll make it, Morgan. I know how to. OR... I’ll come bearing great news from South Park.”

“South what?”

“It’s a place.” 

“Kyle you can’t go there! I’ve never even heard it!”

“You will by the time I’m done with it.”

 

Kyle left Morgan and Maine and the special victims unit division the next day. 

Morgan didn’t miss the chance to text Kyle on his way to the airport, or his drive on the shuttle bus. Or through the process of renting a car. 

*How long will you stay before you see it’s hopeless.*

*It’s hard to say. Sometimes an idea gets thrown out and everybody likes it for a few weeks before you know if it actually sticks or not.*

*Which means weeks or MORE, right? How does something like that happen, anyway?*

*Well.... put simply, people there are easily influenced. They can change in an instance when things start looking too hard.*

*I really can’t imagine what you’re saying to me. It sounds like a reverse utopia where you can live in filth if it’s more convenient.*

*Actually, that EXACTLY. Wish I had thought of that.*

*No way, Kyle. Nobody, no city leader or council, is crazy enough to live that way. A city can’t function like that.*

*Once there was this instance where a concerned citizen felt a tv show featuring body humor was worth fighting a corporate out of country company involving a few cases of physical altercations for. Then a bunch of kids convinced them and the rest of the parents it wasn’t as bad as some of the other tv shows out there. And that was all it took. It lasted a week and a half.*

Kyle didn’t mention who that concerned citizen was.

*Kyle get out of there*

*Come on Morgan, this place needs help more than anywhere else in the world.*

*All you’re going to get done in a place like that is shoot yourself in the foot.*

*We’ve been over this. I’m getting a car now, talk later.*

*For real?*

*Well I’m just renting. I’m not buying.*

*Oh. Ok.*

Kyle smiled. Morgan really didn’t have faith in him. It was funny but also reassuring.

Kyle always did thrive when other’s had doubt.

 

Kyle flipped his phone shut and signed temporary ownership of the rental car. The salesman gave him his copy.

“Here’s your license back.....it’s your for 6 months.”

It was a chunk of money, but Kyle could afford it and he would definitely need it. He was NOT taking the bus in South Park and not walking around through layers of snow in nice suits.

If he wouldn’t in Maine, he’d be holding himself to the same standards here.

The drive out of Denver was familiar. Well, he was headed the opposite way last time. Some where far away from here. 

The closer he got to South Park, the more little bars and diners he could recall at least one single instance spent inside with his childhood friends. Usually something bad and insane, though.

Like the time that crazy anti-cigarette spokesman started screaming at a trucker for lighting up a smoke on his break inside the diner. Kyle remembered the looks of surprise and worry he shared with the others.

 

He swallowed. For the first time since his crazy scheme to come back here armed and ready, he was feeling nervous. Maybe this WOULD all go south. 

Well... only if he kept letting himself think it would. He’d need tougher skin than his coat in Maine to combat the deep waters ahead.

Deep breaths. 

This time would be different. This time he was ready and he could actually do something. This time he wasn’t a little boy in a fuzzy green hat with big blue eyes for their tiny town. Maybe people weren’t as ludicrous now. How couldn’t they be? It was barely functioning when Kyle left. If that town got any crazier, there wouldn’t be any buildings still standing.

A memory of children without parents ruling the town and having public executions came to mind and made him blood turn cold. Something big and brown caught his eye coming over the hill.

 

Kyle nearly rolled to a stop.

There, in big black letters, was the unmistakable sign that welcomed drivers into South Park. 

It was definitely surreal and a little bit intimidating, but more than anything else, it was so familiar. 

There was no mistaking there was something nostalgic heating up in Kyle’s chest at the sight of those giant, bold letters.

He was tempted to snap a picture and send it to Morgan. But...texting while driving.  
Even for pictures...

The more he stared at it, the more his smile became harder to resist.

Maybe just one. Just to prove it did exist, and that he’d made it here safely...

Ok one. Definitely. 

Kyle slipped his phone out from his coat and took a quick shot of it. He’d send it to Morgan later. 

Especially now that a cop car riding up the other side of the road at that exact moment started flashing its lights.

Oooooof coursssse.

Kyle rolled his eyes, not believing his luck. He pulled the car over to the strip of snow and dirt beside the welcome sign. 

Kyle had dealt with cops before PLENTY of times. He’d dealt with sheriffs, state troopers, and policemen of all sorts. He knew how infuriatingly nitpicky they could be. What was worse were the occasional sheriff deputies with a buttload of attitude or a cop with a justice boner.

EVERYTHING was a crime worth ticketing for those types.

Including Kyle’s innocent little pic snap. Hopefully this guy wouldn’t be one those kind. 

Those blue lights pulled up behind him, blearing and damn near seizure inducing.

Kyle started reaching for his wallet. Hopefully officer Barbrady would see Kyle’s cute little face and usher him inside his home town without any tickets.

He heard the car door several feet behind him slam shut and turned to watch from his side mirror as a pair of black boots (must be the new standard issue) trotted towards him. He turned back to find his liscense inside the bundle of business cards busting his wallet.

He looked it over, making sure he hadn’t missed a renewal date out of overcautiousness. Of course he hadn’t. This was the first offense Kyle would get since his 16 year old bat-to-window vandalism expidition on his father’s car- which was entirely called for and dismissed immediately. 

A tap of knuckles on the window made him jump. He’d forgotten to pull that down.

He clicked the window lock and wasn’t halfway through rolling it down when the cop on the other side was asking for license and registration.

“This is a rental. I’ve got an agreement paper right he-“

“Let me see it.”

It was early morning. Not quite dark as stars were still shining, but a faint line of orange was coming up over the mountains.

The officer pulled his flashlight out and looked over it. He flipped the pages back and then checked Kyle’s license. Satisfied, he handed both back to him.

“Sorry officer I know why you pulled me over.”

“Then why’d you do it?”

Kyle swallowed. The cop’s tone was clipped but there was a layer of exhaustion underneath it. 

“Ah, believe it or not, nostalgia.”

“Oh really.” The officer looked kind of young to sound so jaded, but then Kyle was something of a spring chicken himself. He couldn’t judge on appearance by any means.

“Do you miss this place?”

“Uh yeah. I grew up here. Well i didn’t know I missed it ‘til I got here.”

“Hm. You’ve been away a while. I know everyone’s face that sticks around.  
You didn’t stick.”

“No sir. Left for school.”

“What are you doing taking pictures. You forget what it looked like already?”

“A bit. But honestly I just wanted to show an old friend my hometown.”

Kyle started stuffing the license back in its place.

“.....what friends do you have older than this place, Kyle?”

Something about that made Kyle snap his head back up, forcing his seat belt to cut across his throat.

He was looking at the officer without with dim morning light, but with a pair of glasses that saw things out of a very familiar, very old, dark recess of his mind. 

There was no mistaking it.

Full lips. Brown bangs. Cherubic cheeks.

Oh my GOD.

 

“.....Cartman....why are you a cop?” 

“Crimes rampant.” Eric didn’t bother looking at him as he said it. He made it sound matter of fact, as if Kyle had heard such a sordid thing about South Park before.

 

“Crime is....rampant?”

Eric pulled out his aviators from a front pocket and flipped them open. They framed his face perfectly.

“They built a high school over on Kenny’s slice of life.”

“...Where it’s....financially UNSTABLE?”

 

“It’s to house a certain demographic.”

“That’s incredibly.......uhh, so crime is higher because of this group of people-“

“It’s not a racial issue. It’s an economical issue. People are suffering lower education standards and are being taught the wrong things. This school generates young criminals.” 

 

What the fuck.

“Well, that’s actually good news because I came here to help with-“

Eric held a finger up, turning his head to the side and putting a hand over his radio. There was silence for a moment before he responded into it.

“Headed that way.” He released the thick, red button on the radio.

“Sir, I’m gonna let you go with a warning. Don’t do it again.”

“I won’t b-but...hey-“

Eric was already walking back to his car. His hips swayed a bit with the added weight of his utility belt. His ass was definitely still fat.

“Go on. I’m not going to run your license unless you piss me off. I’ve got another call.” His voice sounded even more tired when it was stretched thin and yelling at him across the little distance. From Kyle’s experience with law enforcers, he was definitely in the final hours of a 12 hour night shift. Least he’d be off soon....

He waited for Kyle to pull out first, as was standard unless there was an emergency, and waited for Kyle to tread back down the worn road. He put his blinker on and gave Eric a final glance in his rear view.

Kyle nearly jumped out of his seat as Eric’s car lit up its sirens and flew past him.

 

....well that sounded like an emergency....

Kyle drove with shaky hands all the way to the only hotel in town that was worth the extra money to stay out of Mr. Mill’s motel.

He wouldn’t be hanging around it anyway.  
CLEARLY he had a lot of work to do. Like convincing the mayor to lose Eric fucking Cartman as part of the police force.


	2. Meeting the Mayor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> VIOLENCE  
> THE WORD RAPE SEVERAL TIMES  
> No real names used  
> BE CAREFUL VIEWING
> 
> Boys having feelings  
> Eric being adorable

Kyle could be thankful access to the town’s mayor was still as easy as walking in and demanding attention. McDaniels hadn’t acted as mayor for a few years now, and Kyle hoped dearly an audience with the new mayor would prove someone more competent had finally been elected. 

Inside the mayors office, quite a bit had changed aesthetically. It was kept, and marble flooring had been thrown down in place of the $2 carpet. Another line of windows had been installed, making the floors glisten, and add some majesty to the room. It looked like a place that should be able to afford a secretary to limit its visitors. Whatever the case, Kyle shouldn’t complain. He was here now and he should be grateful he could get a meet in.

A woman with bunned up blonde hair was staring out her window with a thermos in her hand.

Kyle cleared his voice and stood straight.  
“Excuse me, Mrs. Hannah.” 

The woman turned to see Kyle standing in her doorway. Kyle, who was clutching a single folder of papers, and looking as tall as possible. 

“Yes, hello. Who are you?”

“Kyle Brovflovski.” He refrained from biting his lip.

“Nice to meet you. What brings you to me at 9 in the morning looking so dapper?”

Kyle swallowed. Well....nothing GOOD exactly. At least this one seemed a bit more friendly. To be fair, McDaniels had plenty of reason to be jaded in this town by the time her third term rolled around.

“You clearly didn’t come from somewhere local.” The woman looked him up and down. “Nobody dresses like that that doesn’t work for me.”

Kyle felt a little warm. Realizing for the first time he really didn’t fit in around here anymore. Another reminder that he might not be such a welcome addition after all, let alone succeed in his mission here.

*Shake away the bad thoughts. You’re here now. Don’t blow it.*

“Actually Mayor Hannah, I’m not from around here. Not since I was a kid.”

“Oh? You grew up here?”

“Uh yes, it’s my hometown. I left sometime in high school.” Kyle remembered exactly when. He remembered the very hour of twilight and minute he left.

“Wellll, welcome home! Am I your first visit back?”

“No ma’am, I’ve been settled in for a few days. Just collecting my thoughts before I approach you.”

“Hm. Sounds serious.”

“It is, mayor. If you have a moment?”

“Yes! please, come sit. I’ve always got time for my people.”

Kyle supposed that line got her elected.

He took a seat in front of her desk and got busy fishing out his paperwork from his folder.

“I’d like to show you who i am and what I do. That may help explain why I’m here.”

Hannah took the papers from him and flipped through his credentials. His high school diploma, his lawyer degree. She seemed interested by the occasional ‘hm’ and shake of her head she gave as she read over his case history. 

 

“Well this explains exactly who you are. It’s quite an honor to have you in South Park. But I’m not sure I know why you’re here, unless it’s to apply for a job?”

“Not quite, nothing traditional. I’m thinking of a position working with you, in a way. An advisor of sorts.”

“Oh really? Why are you looking to do that?” 

This was the part Kyle had to sort of calm himself down for. He couldn’t get overzealous, but he was eager to get to this part.

“I have some ideas.” He smiled, eyes alight. “I think they’re pretty good. I’d be thrilled to work along side you and see some of them come to life. I promise you, what I have in store can change everything.”

Hannah handed his papers back to him and let him shuffle them back in order and slip them in their folder. 

When he looked back up, he noticed a bit of a serious look on her face. Almost grim.

“Excuse my brashness, but what makes you think we need a change around here?”

“You don’t think the town could honestly do with some changes? You don’t think a lot of people could benefit from doing some things differently?”

“Hm.” The woman laced her fingers together and leaned over her desk.

“I suppose it could. How about this, Mr. Kyle: let’s talk about some of these ideas you have when I don’t have a lunch date to meet with.”

“Sure. Sounds good. We’ll start from there then.” Kyle gathered his folder and stood.

“Certainly.”

He stuck his hand out. Hannah stared at it a moment before reaching out to shake it.

“I’ll call you.” She chirped, smile returning. 

Kyle simply nodded and headed out of that place with its freaky vibes and shady inhabitants. Kyle would try not to let the change in behavior bother him too much. After all he had just barged in and demanded changes.

 

He pushed the doors open out of city hall and stepped into the freezing air. Truthfully, Kyle had been here for about a week now. He took time to tell his mom he was in town and visit Stan a few times. So she hadn’t been his first visit. He still hadn’t felt at ease back here yet. He supposed it would take A while before he did, and especially with his nerves everywhere.

 

He put his hat back on and fixed his scarf a bit tighter around his throat. At least it wasn’t snowing.

 

“I’m asking you to show me proof you own a license.”

Kyle’s head turned to stare down a few buildings to his right at Cartman standing in front of a driver window. The car it belonged to parked inside a gas station, away from the pumps. 

“Step out of the car.” Cartman put his hands on his hips.  
Wait Cartman should be off by now. This was a last minute call then?

Kyle looked to the left to see the streets still pretty empty. It probably wouldn’t hurt to come a little closer. If he got too close he could also cross to the coffee shop on the other side of the street. He wouldn’t bother anyone watching from there.

 

“Get out of the car, or I’ll have to remove you.”

Shrill screaming sounded from the parked vehicle. A woman’s voice. 

“Get out of the car, or I’ll remove you.”  
He repeated.

 

More screaming. 

Kyle watched curiously, he was still a good ways back. Taking his time to hear all the commotion he could before he’d have to cross to the other side.

Finally, Eric stopped arguing with the girl.

“Sit right here.” He sounded livid, but even more so, dead tired. He suddenly whipped around and marched back to his car. 

Kyle watched his hips dip as he walked from the weight of that heavy utility belt again.

Eric hadn’t noticed him approaching, anger clearly blinding him.

Kyle was about to cross the street when he heard voices coming from the direction he was headed. He looked over and saw a couple of familiar looking girls taping with their phone.

Kyle stopped walking. Maybe he’d get away with watching too. Was he too close though?

 

Eric was doing something on his computer, door swung open and a single boot hanging out.

 

Kyle heard the voices again.

“He’s running the car tag.” One girl said. Kyle whirled around, recognizing the girls voice immediately. He rushed across the street to ask said familiar face what was going on.

“Hey, ‘scuse me.” He held a hand up. The girls turned towards him and Nicole’s eyes went wide as saucers.

“KYLE?”

“Hey Nikki.”

“Kyle!” She screamed again and threw her arms around him in a hug. It surprised him to say the least, but he after a minute of realization, he returned it. He smiled sheepishly at the other girl staring in confusion.

Nicole pulled away and gave him a pat on the chest.

“Annie, it’s Kyle.”

“Brovfloski?”

“The only.” Nicole chirped. She did a little jump dance, and hugged him briefly again. Kyle laughed nervously, eyes downcast. Didn’t think he’d get that kind of welcome.

“What are you doing here?”

“Uh...it’s actually a long story. A boring one. But, um, what’s going on over there?” Kyle nodded towards the scene. Nicole hmphed and crossed her arms.

“If I had to guess, Eric must have either gotten a call on this car, this woman robbed someone, or he saw a brake light was out and stopped her.”

“Oh.....so he’s just...he seems mad.”

“She won’t give him his license. Another cop found out that an out of state convict had escaped and made his way into South Park one time. The only reason they caught him was because of how defensive he got about not showing his license. Cops can find out a lot in a traffic stop.”

Kyle was dumbfounded.  
“You know a lot about this......”

“I run the coffee shop behind me and Eric shoots up 16 shots of caffeine a night. He’s one of only 5 officers on shift most nights in this crazy town. He tells you all sorts of things by 8 hours in.” She laughed more to herself.

Kyle was about to question that ratio of caffeine intake when they heard the car door slam shut. They looked over to see Eric storming back to the Volvo.

He rapt on the window with his knuckles again, looking angry as ever.

“Ma’am open your window......Open the window.”

Eric leaned down a bit, indicating the driver had only opened it a sliver.

“I ran your tag-“

“Called it.” Nicole whispered and Annie ‘ooh’ed.

“This vehicle is stolen.”

“Damn! Got ‘em!” Nikki was bouncing now. 

Silence came from the other car. They couldn’t make out what was being said. Eric’s exasperated bridge pinch gave regent an idea.

“Yes, I just ran it, step out of the car now.”

Shrill screaming.

“Alright, I’ve asked you, now I’m telling you. Get out or I’m removing you.”

“Oh shit!” Nicole giggled. Annie grabbed her arm and wiggled about. Kyle could only stare worried, though. This was starting to sound dangerous.

And it was. The sound of shattering glass filled the early morning air as Eric brought the butt of his night stick down against the window.

The shrill screaming was full blown now. And very......young sounding.

Eric reached in and unlocked the car door before swinging it open and grabbing for the woman in the drivers seat.

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME!”

“Oh no.” Nicole whispered. “It’s a kid.” Annie whistled and shook her head.

“A kid?” Kyle went wide eyed. It was unheard of but...this level of violence sure was. For this town anyway.

“Yeah, you’ve missed a lot of drama Kyle. I’ll tell you later.” Nikki nodded sadly, but with this look of indifference. Clearly Kyle had missed a LOT of drama.

Once the girl was out, all bets were off. She started punching at him, failing to land a hit but proving quite a force to turn around.  
“RAPE! RAPE! HELP ME, HES RAPING ME!”

Eric pulled her hands behind her back and managed to get one hand cuffed.

The girl was thin and no more than sadly 15 years old in appearance, but she was almost his height and she wasnot going without a fight.

Eric had more muscle on his side and was able to rustle her kicking, shaking body into the cuffs.

 

“Hey police brutality!” 

All heads except Eric’s turned towards a couple shouting at the pair from their car at the gas station. A woman was pumping gas and video taping the incident with her phone while a man shouted from his open car door.

Brutality? 

“What?” Kyle whispered frantically.

 

“I DO NOT CONSENT! I DO NOT CONSENT! DO YOU SEE WHAT HE’S DOING?! I DO NOT CONSENT! OFFICER I DO NOT CONSENT!” The girl was ceaseless and the couple egged her on.

“Police brutality! You’re hurting that civilian!”

“SHUT UP!” Nicole screamed at the couple. “NO HE’S NOT!”  
“YEAH!” Annie screamed.  
“BITCH STOLE A CAR!”

Kyle’s head was swimming too much to understand what was going on exactly.

“HE’S RAPING ME! HELLLLP!”

Eric hand her pinned against the car, not giving any of the screaming the time of day. He fixed his coat sleeves back down his wrists where they had rolled up in the fighting. He was dragging the screaming girl to his car when another set of blue lights whipped around and took a place between his car and the couple still screaming ‘brutality’.

A man stepped out, taller than Eric, who filled out his uniform with more muscle than his smaller counterpart.

Eric stood and held the flailing girl who was trying to sit on the ground while the other officer came over and offered to take her. The two exchanged words over the screaming obscenities, and the nameless cop pushed the girl into his car, ducking her head when she tried to stand taller than the doorway.

 

He emerged again and watched as Eric wrote out something in a little book, handing it to him.

Kyle heard Eric murmur “Thanks, I’ll do the report then.” The taller man tipped his head and waved Eric off.

The brunette stood there and turned his head towards the radio on his shoulder and started speaking into it.

“Ok that’s it.”

Nicole’s voice snapped Kyle out of his daze.

“Now what?” Annie mumbled.

“He’s going to get the car impounded. It was stolen.” 

“Does he have to be there for that?” Kyle asked, understanding at least what that meant.

“Hmm.” Nikki put a finger on her chin. “I’m gonna bring him something. Kyle? Do you want to give it to him?”

“Huh? Oh...sure?”

“Stay here. Annie get your apron on, back to work.”

The girls hurried inside and Kyle turned back to see Eric zip the neckline of his heavy wool coat a little higher and lean against his car.

The disagreeing couple that were watching the scene were still shouting the occasional ‘you’re a monster.’ ‘You have to live with what you’ve done!’ before finally shuffled away in their stupid, puttering car. 

Eric watched with a look of dead on his face. As if he hadn’t heard anything. If he was even in there at all.

 

The bell on the coffee shop door rang and Kyle turned to see Nikki with a soup mug in her hand. 

“Give this to him. If he waves us down, we’ll bring more out.” 

Kyle took it as Nikki was already running back inside. He hadn’t realized there had been people inside the shop stopping and staring. The small, nosy towns folk hadn’t changed either, then. Nicole was answering order before Kyle had a chance to say anything. Not that he knew WHAT to say. There was plenty on his mind but none of it made too much sense.

 

He looked both ways a few times before crossing the street. Traffic had picked up so had to be closer to 10 by now. He doubted Eric had only been out here for 12 hours.

 

Kyle approached the slumping boy with the mug in hand and stood a few feet to his side before Eric realized he was even there.

“You’d be dead already if I had a gun on me.” Kyle realized how not funny that joke was the moment he uttered it.

“No, if you had a gun on you Kyle, you’d be dead. I guarantee you wouldn’t have made it past the cross walk........but, yeah I’m so tired. My situational awareness is shit right now......What is it?”

Kyle swallowed before offering the mug forward. He felt strangely awkward for offering him something, like a present, but tried to remember how much he needed this coffee more than Kyle’s shyness.

Eric pushed off of his car and straightened up, shocking Kyle with the obvious height difference there. That 15 year old wasn’t as tall as Kyle had thought she was.

 

“...um?” Eric suddenly looked confused, staring at the mug being handed to him.  
“Thank you.”

“Oh, It’s from Nicole.”

“Ah. Right. Should have guessed by the mug.”

“Yeah?” 

“It’s my favorite. I like the stupid melted snowman face. Um anyway, thanks. I’m so tired I didn’t even realize.”

“‘S Alright. I mean I understand. That looked like hell.”

“Hmph.” Eric laughed into his cup. “It was.”

“.....do people normally act that way?”

“NORMALLY?” Eric tilted the mug back and sipped.

“Sure. People are animals.”

Kyle felt out of place for asking but he had to know. He always wondered with every cop he came to meet but this was the first display he’d seen before that gave him the courage to ask it.

“......Then why do you do it?”

“Why do you defend pedophiles.”

“WhoA.”

“For the good ones who need protecting.” Eric answered for him, entirely unapologetic.  
“For the occasional innocent person who just wants their son to stop punching them. Who are they going to call? The abusive father? Someone’s got to do it.”

Kyle stared at him, suddenly hyper aware of how real this whole situation was.

“I choose my cases.”

“Not at first. Not a fresh young lawyer who I’d bet started in court offered public defense.”

“Then you don’t know how I got stared.”

“Actually, I’ve always kind of known how lucky you are.”

Kyle tried to ignore the jab and mulled over what Eric had said.  
‘Someone’s got to do it.’

Eric downed the coffee in an impressive time. He set it on the top of his car and shuddered into the warmth of his coat. The change in temperature making his mouth feel like ice once the coffee was all gone.

“You’d think I’d be warm with this bullet proof vest on.” He muttered.

 

“Yeah?” Kyle tilted his head and looked over the image of the tactically all black clothing Eric had to wear. They certainly did away with blue and non-boot footwear by the look of the other officer.

It honestly suited him in a way. He looked like some kind of less armored swat cat. It was much more appealing than the blue in Barbrady’s time.

“What about you? You freezing in that?” Eric nodded at the dark grey suit Kyle wore with a single dress coat and scarf complimenting its color. Eric tried to ignore the familiarity of the floppy eared hat he was wearing. Were colors the only thing that had changed about Kyle?

“No. I just came from Maine.”

“Fuck, Kyle. What were you doing there?”

“Uh, well. Special victims. It was...a pretty great job actually. Save for the content.”

Eric’s face dropped visibly. 

“Yup. Been there.”

Kyle’s eyes snapped over to look at Cartman’s face a little more clearly. Eric had definitely done something involving that division. Officers and detectives always looked a certain way when they had. 

Kyle, fortunately was on the other side of it. He wasn’t the one cleaning up butchered genitals to find a semen sample or fingerprint. Not that Eric was doing that precisely either as that was more forensics. But he was the one looking at it. Kyle was inside a warm room fighting for someone who’s rights had been stripped away, while Eric was scooping a boy with knife wounds and a sodomized anus off a mattress to take to somewhere safe.

 

“Kyle?”

“Hm?”

“Did you hear me?”

“Uh, no. Sorry.”

“I said it was better than my backpack expedition.”

“Your backpack what?”

Eric grinned and crossed his arms. The change in demeanor peaked Kyle’s interest. He was suddenly looking much more alive than he had a minute ago.

“Heh. Listen to this. So we get a call, right. It’s almost out of town, and it’s just me and Palson available. The call was about two roommates who got in a fight, and one had a knife. Well, we come to find out they were fighting over who got a sniff of the nose candy they bought first.”

Eric’s hands are animated and Kyle finds himself leaning against the car with him, looking down at the ball of energy and tacta-ware.

“I’m not joking, somebody had clearly gotten their hit before we arrived because this guy was calling dispatch WHILE we were there. AS we were trying to detain them. This dude is yelling into the phone about placing a call for theft. Theft of COCAINE. I kid you not. He thought the cops would arrest someone convicted of cocaine theft and bring him back the stolen goods. 

“‘Oh! Here’s your cocaine back, sir. We’re taking your momma to jail now. Stay safe.’ Like AS IF. Did I mention they were a mother and son? It’s complicated. ANYWAY.”

Kyle was grinning at him like someone had painted cow spots on his face. The voices he used and the way he stuck his tongue out in between faces made it funnier than Kyle thought it’d be if someone else told it.

Eric was way too invested in this story, clearly. Kyle wasn’t complaining.

“So now the knife is apprehended, we’ve separated them, and the only real aggressor is the son we’ve got sitting on the sofa in hand cuffs.”  
Eric swallowed and took a breath.

“Here’s where it got STUPID. Stay with me. This guy, in handcuffs, starts trying to gnaw his way through them by ‘eating’ his own shoulder off. It’s like SAW! He’s going to lose an arm so he can get a handcuff off. And what are we supposed to do, let him? Watch him hobble out the door? Like, the able bodied policeman isn’t just going to hog tie his ass if he DOES get free? Well we wouldn’t, really. We’d call EMT, but only AFTER he actually managed to do it and we all clapped. These criminals do themselves in, I swear.”

“BOYS!” Kyle’s head jerked up and he whirled his around to see see Nicole standing on the other side of the road with a hand on her hip.

 

“You gotta wait for the tow truck!?” She shouted.

“Yeah!” Eric cupped a hand around his mouth and hollered back.  
“It’s going for fingerprinting! Think the owner is the mom, not sure!”

“STAY THERE!” Nicole ran back inside.

Kyle turned around and jumped a little at the proximity he realized they’d gained as Eric was telling his story.

“She’s gonna bring coffee back.” He said, shrugging up at Kyle with a nice little smile on his face. Kyle didn’t know what had gotten him into a better mood so suddenly after that crazy chick business, but he seemed pretty content right now.

“She worries about me, and all.This gas station is always BOOMING with blue lights. Poor Nick sees everything. And yells her opinion, which is kind of nice. She’s trying to look out for me.” Eric shrugged and kept smiling quietly to himself.

 

“Someone SHOULD.” Kyle said gruffly, surprising the shorter boy. 

Eric looked up, searching Kyle’s face. It looked serious.

“That was scary, dude.” Kyle said, pointing at the shards of glass around the car window.

“THAT was scary to you? I’ve seen worse.” Eric scoffed, despite the growing blush on his cheeks.

“I know. That’s what worries me.”

Eric’s eyes went wide before looking down at his boots.

“Comes with the territory.” He shrugged and tilted his head away, hoping his ears hadn’t turned pink.

“Do assholes screaming brutality at a guy who just saved a stolen car, too? That girl assaulted you, you know.”

“Ha! Oh boy, do I know. I’m charging her with it don’t worry. It’s all on camera, too.”

Eric finally looked up and pointed at his body cam.  
“I’ll be fine, I know how to do my job.”

Kyle watched him dip his head again and shove the night stick down further in the belt slot. Kyle realized that he had probably made him uncomfortable sounding like a mother.

“I know. I know what they train you for.” Kyle swallowed. “I still hate it. That’s actually why I’m here, kind of. You mentioned more frequent incidents the other-“

“Here, here, here! Take these!” Nicole came rushing by with two handfuls of coffee.  
“I’ve got to get back. Next time don’t make me come out here. Tell me when your empty.”

She was back across the street again before Kyle could thank her for his own cup she’d brought out. He didn’t really drink the stuff, but it was welcome in this freezing ice weather.

Eric was already half way through his mug again. He did this weird little shimmy things with his shoulders, in a way you might snuggle into a blanket, and wrapped both hands around the mug.

“Fuck yessss, Nick saves my life every night. She’s a star just like Mariah.”

“....Did you... are you quoting Bazzi-“

“Let me finish telling you my story!” Eric put the mug on top of the car next to the other one. Kyle would make it a point not to let him drive off with those still on there.

“Guy gnawing arm off, failing miserably. Well THEN he tries to get off the couch and he says ‘there’s a knife in my shoe!’. I mean I don’t doubt really it, there probably is, but it’s a threat either way. He gets up and starts making circles around the rug right in front of me, and I’m trying to tell him to sit his happy ass back down. Like, ‘Sit! Sit! Keep your arms and legs where I can see them!’

“Well this guys is HIGH. So high, he could eat a star. He gets back on the couch, but now he’s sitting up on his knees and trying to dig a knife out of his shoe. He can reach it now so of course i need to prevent that. I jerk him off the couch before he gets his shoe off and I’m about to push him on the ground, when Palson finally comes back in. He finished talking with the mom about what happened and once he’s back in the room with us, this guys kicks his shoe off in one swing right at his head. 

“He misses Palson, but I’m yelling ‘knife’ cause now this fucker’s shoe is off and he said there was a knife in there. I’m about to tase him to hell and back when Palson- about my height but way skinnier, so just imagine that, RUNS AT HIM and latches onto him from behind like a fucking backpack. 

“This guy FACE PLANTS into the sofa and starts screaming for my partner to get off. But Palson was a marine, by the way, so he can scream way louder. He’s telling this guy to stay ‘still, don’t move my partner will tase you’. All that jazz, screaming right in his ear. And this druggie goes, “Hey man, I wasn’t doing anything!” Like the most sober we’ve heard him all night and probably the dumbest. You just told us you had a knife in your shoe?! You know?”

Kyle didn’t bother scooting away when Cartman got too close to hitting him with all his wild hand gestures. He honestly didn’t mind a few smacks. If this was Eric’s stress relief in some way, he’d listen to the crazy stories earnestly. It did nothing to worry him less. Nothing at ALL. But at least he had backup. He wasn’t alone with a psycho, shoe-knife weilder and a guy who was probably taller than him.

Eric‘s eyes suddenly lit up as he looked over Kyle’s side. 

“There’s the tow truck. I got to tell them where we want this.” Eric walked over, hips swaying, as was becoming familiar to Kyle, and met the driver with a little wave. 

Kyle swallowed and turned back to the mugs he left on top of the car. He should take these back. 

He bundled them up in his coat and crossed the street to the coffee shop. It was much busier now. Annie wasn’t even looking up. 

He spotted Nicole taking croissants out of an oven and walked over to her part of the counter. He put the mugs out one by one and waited for her to see they’d been brought back.

“Oh thank you, Kyle. Saves me a trip.”

“So you do that often? Just bring Eric coffee?”

“As much as I can. I know he’s cold out there. Sometimes it rains.” She took the mugs and dumped them in a steam washer. It sanitized in minutes.

Kyle watched her work out the creases in her apron, looking for the note pad she kept in the front pocket. She wrote something down and tore the paper off to give to Kyle. 

“Here are the store hours. Stop by and talk to me when you get a chance. We’ve missed you.”

“...We?”

“Sure. I bet Craig would even hug you if you met. You were kind of a staple Kyle. If it wasn’t totally before, this town is shit now.”

Kyle swallowed nervously. 

What did that mean exactly? 

“Well, here comes Eric!” Nicole waved over the boy coming in. Eric nodded. 

“One more Nick, I have to make it home.”

“Sure, coming up!”

“Oh, hey, Kahl.” Eric walked up to the counter and leaned over it. In the artificial light, Kyle could see the single ring of purple under his eyes.  
“You’re still here?”

“Yeah, brought the mugs back.”

“Shit.” Eric whipped his head around and stared out the window at where the mugs had been sitting. “I forgot.”

“I wondered if you made a habit of that.” 

“Don’t be smart, ginger ass. My night stick hits harder than I do.”

“Believable, shortcake.”

“What the fuck did you-“

“Hereeee you are!” Nicole sang in a playful accent. Eric took it and glared daggers up at Kyle. Kyle glared back.

He sipped it, eyes never leaving Kyle’s, had headed out the door.

Nicole snickered from behind, watching the display with an amused little glint in her eye.

“You know, I never did know why you guys broke up.”

Kyle turned his head around like he’d heard a gunshot behind him.

“Excuse me?”

“You were dating back in fourth grade. That little song he sang you at the basketball game was pretty sweet. I thought you guys were going to make it.”

 

“........EXCUSE ME?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not some fairytale, lover-girl with the wool pulled over my eyes. I’m not with Token anymore either. I was just saying, you looked like you really had a chance. You guys weren’t like the rest of us. You made each other a priority. While other couples were still growing up and playing on consoles or dress up or starting dumb drama, you two were hanging out. Doing everything together. Even now, you’ve still got that friction.”

Kyle was breathless.

Nicole wiped down the counter top and smiled to herself.

“Well I have to get back! I hope you’re staying.” She picked up the croissants and walked them over to a display case.

Kyle stood there mouth gaping. He looked around the coffee shop, some faces looking familiar. 

Kyle only realized how at home he suddenly felt. something told him he didn’t think it was Nicole’s doing.

He put money on the counter for the free drinks, and tried to clear his mind space of the horrific things she had just said.


	3. Stolen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman used to have day shift before the accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that matters in this one is the Kyman at the end. The rest is family drama. Ignore that stuff.

Meeting with the mayor a second time was a lot more difficult. Particularly when she rescheduled their visit 3 times. Kyle wasn’t stupid, he knew what suspicious looked like when he saw it. But he was TRYING to remain positive. Hopefully, she was just busy running a town, he had to believe so anyway.

The first thing that had been plaguing Kyle’s mind he wanted to talk about was this business of higher crime rate. He’d heard it everyday from just about everyone of decent stature since he got here.

‘Crime is so much more frequent than it used to be’ ‘There was a break in a few houses down last night’ ‘ more children are bringing guns to school.’

To hear it was nerve wracking, but Kyle had managed to stay out of it thus far, save for the incident with Cartman. Other than that, assaults and thievings had stayed far away from him, and he could only imagine that meant he was in the right places at the right times. When Stan talked about having to walk his dogs between a certain amount of daylight hours, Kyle knew there was no denying this town had a problem. 

He just wanted to find the root of it, and he’d heard from an excellent source where that might be.

 

The high school they built near Kenny’s house was within his walking distance. You could see the top of the school building before you could see Kenny’s roof when you were driving up. Thankfully, Karen was out of school by the time it was built or they’d be sending her there. That wasn’t the end of their problems, though, as Ken was actually having a harder time than he used to getting by.

His mom, wasn’t around these days. She’d passed away from alcohol poisoning a few years after Kyle booked it out of that place. He remembered the phone call from Stan and Butters after it happened.

Now Kenny was stuck raising Karen up alongside his father who was facing his own medical issues. Kevin moved out a while ago to make it big somewhere else, much like Kyle had. He only hoped Kevin would be as successful.

 

Really, Kyle didn’t mind taking his business straight to the school itself, and maybe that was what the mayor wanted. For him to just handle everything on his own. He’d have to tread lightly, but he wouldn’t let the mayor’s absence in his endeavors scare him from going. He had just as much right to march in their as any other resident did. This was his home, too, and the school had to be aware of the problems it was supposedly breeding.

Before he wasted his time driving over, he called first to see if anyone would receive him.

The woman answering calls at the front desk seemed nice enough. She didn’t give him any trouble about why he was calling, and had insisted they’d be thrilled to meet with him sometime. But she had to decline a visit for today while the principal was away in a board meeting.  
And they couldn’t do it tomorrow because of another meeting.  
Or the next day.  
And a speaker was coming in the day after that.  
And then the weekend would be here.  
And Kyle rolled his eyes and hung the phone up.

That proved to be useless. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm and debated calling the mayor for a fourth reschedule. That’s when Kyle remembered someone far better he could be talking to about all of this.

Someone who would give him answers, and the honest truth no less. Realistically, Kyle knew he wouldn’t be getting that if it came from the mayor or a school admin. 

It was 7 in the morning, but Kyle suspected his friend would be eager to meet him regardless.

He called Kenny and asked if he was available. Kenny ho eagerly welcomed him over and told Kyle to ‘get his butt over here’. Kyle was riding over and walking up the old, cracking walkway to Kenny’s door in minutes. 

He knocked and waited for Ken to answer behind the series of screaming and thumping. Kyle half expected him to show up wearing an orange parka zipped to his mouth. The longer he stayed, the more Kyle allowed nostalgia to plague his judgment. 

He’d be lying if he said he had expected his mom to come running towards him with arms spread and offering him dinner the first night he showed up. As it was, Sheila was working a job that kept late hours and couldn’t be home when Kyle first arrived. 

Ike hadn’t moved out, offering to stay and help their mom with the house and finances. They weren’t living poor by any means, Kyle never really had. But they were working double for the first time in their lives to make up for the debts and expensive living they indulged in before the lawsuit happened.

Kyle offered to send them money. He even offered to come back and stay, but Sheila hadn’t allowed him to even think about it for too long. She insisted Kyle keep living and working as a lawyer; to not come back unless it was to buy a home or bring a wife. She wanted him to live. To stand by the high aspirations everyone knew Kyle had for himself and not have to worry about a woman who’s time had already passed. It wasn’t as if Ike was suffering by having to stay at home. He happily worked his job and remained in South Park while his brother set out and pursued law.

But Kyle hadn’t wanted anything to change in the first place. Now that he was home, he illogically thought it would all turn back. Kyle would be making speeches and bettering peoples’ lives while everyone around him stayed the same. The way that he knew them.

Kenny didn’t answer the door with that orange parka that covered his mouth. He came in sweatpants and a thick brown hoodie. He wore a netted, blue trucker hat and a familiar gap-toothed grin.

Kyle was surprised to hear his lisp had lessened as his voice had grown deeper.

“Kyle. At MY door. In a suit.” He opened it a little wider for Kyle to push by.

“You expected something else?” Kyle hung his scarf on the nails in the wall acting as a coat wrack. He remembered being too short to reach them the last time he was here.

“Not at all.” Kenny said sincerely. “After you left for law school, I knew I’d never see you in normal pants again.”

The red head grinned and tried not to look too posh when he rolled his eyes.

“Once upon a time, you used to love donning a suit.”

“Yeah, it made me feel rich. $16 bucks an hour makes me feel richer now, though.”

“Good for you, Ken.”

“Yeah well most of it goes to Karen.”

Kenny led them through the living room.

“And my dad there.” He waved a hand at the man in question.

Kyle glanced over and nodded once at his father who was leaning back in a recliner with a pair of crutches propped against the arm.

Kyle didn’t ask Kenny what was wrong. His leg clearly wasn’t bandaged in any way and he imagined that meant something much worse was causing him to use crutches. He’d let Ken tell him if he wanted to.

His room was definitely bigger now. The wall to Kevin’s room had been torn down and it looked almost livable for a grown man in a house of three.

“Why do you want to know about the school?” Kenny pushed a stack of magazines off of the chair by his desk for Kyle to sit in.

“How did you know I was here for that?”

“You said on the phone it was ‘important business’.”

“I could have meant anything.”

“You could have either meant Cartman or a current town crisis.”

Kyle flinched.

“Really, those are the only things you ever have ‘business’ with in South Park. If I had visited you in Maine, I wouldn’t have known what to expect if you came at me with that shit.”

Kyle swallowed, slightly abashed by his predictability. It was kind of unbecoming of him. Especially when everyone was expecting something as negative as Cartman or a town epidemic to leave his mouth.

He only had himself to blame, however, and he was cursing spending his younger years creating such a ridiculous reputation for himself.

“Well, it’s not Cartman. So that leaves the school.”

“Might as well be both. You can’t have one without the other.”

Kyle tilted his head.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, Cartman is almost always on a call there.” 

 

“That can’t be right.....Cartman works night shift.”

 

“Now. It’s only temporary.” Kenny threw some clean clothes into a laundry basket.

“They put him there after his partner got gunned down by a school shooter. Cartman took it as well as anyone could, but it was such a mess.”

Kyle felt like his tongue had turned to lead. He could only stare at Kenny with a blank look on his face. The blonde boy took a moment to glance up and nod in agreement at Kyle’s appropriately shocked response.

He moved another pile of clothes off his bed and took a seat. Kyle still felt like something cold had slithered up his spine. He tried to clear his throat.

“So....um....the school?” Kyle didn’t know what to ask first. He didn’t have the right to ask about that one thing and didn’t want Kenny to have to tell him.

“Yeah, well. Where to start.... it’s not that old, of course. The new mayor ordered it to be built with the encouragement of the little fan base she brought with her, and the few assholes on your end that wanted the poor kids to be separated.”

Kyle crossed his arms over his chest and slumped back a little.  
Fan base? He let Kenny continue.

“I don’t know where she came from, I mean it’s no secret, I’m sure. But I don’t know the place. Some of the people there followed her here, can you imagine that?”

Of course he couldn’t. That statement alone made zero sense. He gave Kenny a shake of his head and watched him start undoing his boot laces. He then stuffed his feet into a pair of slippers and sat criss cross on his bed.

“Me either. And if you’re paranoid like me and my neighbors are, you’d understand why. Those people seem to have connections with the mayor to the point her little fan base has a whole lot of say around here. Not to mention they all work for her.”

Kyle scrunched his brow together. What did this have to do with anything? It was definitely not normal for people to follow a politician, but....

Kenny leaned forward and looked him dead in the eye.

“The one’s that followed all have jobs at the new school. The principal, the nurse and super intendant, some of the security guards. Even the teachers. All except one.”

Kyle still couldn’t make sense of what Kenny was saying exactly.

“One?”

“One of OUR old teachers from when we were kids. They got a job there and left our old school. They even moved to this side of town to be closer to it. It’s almost like that place and it’s people live in a cesspool together with their weird mayor worship.”

“And...how did they convince anyone to leave the good part of town and stay over here?”

“Well, you’re confusing the school kids with the mayor’s followers. The people who work for Mayor Hannah live NICELY.”

Kyle tilted his head. “What?...Over HERE?”

“The kids live in houses like I do. Run down and poor conditions. Plenty of them live on this street. The bastard mayor lovers are several blocks that way.”

Kenny pointed out his window at the school, meaning somewhere far on the other side of it.

“It’s like this.” Kenny put his hands out and chopped little columns into the air. “Here’s your South Park with it’s nice normal people, more or less, and our old school. Then there’s the shitty part where I am and the devil school behind me. THEN here’s the mayor lovers. Way over here, away from everyone’s bullshit just living the high life. It’s beautiful there, Kyle. You’ve got to see it.”

Kyle was still trying to wrap his head around his side of South Park being the ‘normal’ part.  
“Really? It’s beautiful?”

“Well, do you think fountains and landscape decor are beautiful?”

“....in movies. In real life it’s annoying.”

“Yeah, fucking exactly! Unless they’re shaping a giraffe out of their trees. That shits cool. They’re not though, let me tell you- It’s just dull ass rose bushes with every leaf cut just right.”

 

Kyle stared at him even harder. He was certain the mayor wouldn’t have told him any of THAT and he was glad he came to Kenny with all this instead. 

 

And he might have missed seeing him...

“So why didn’t you come see me sooner?” Kenny asked, as if reading his mind.  
“I know you’ve shook hands with just about everyone else already.”

That was pretty much true. He’d been here long enough to run into most of childhood friends except Craig, Kenny, and Tweek. Kyle smiled sheepishly.  
“Sorry Kenny. Would you believe I forgot about one of my best friends?”

“Oh yes, I would. You’re one of the most selfish people I know.”

“One of the MOST selfish?”

“Right after, Cartman. No question.”

Kyle didn’t even feign insult.  
“I know.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his coat. No use arguing with the truth.

Before he knew what was happening, Kenny had Kyle wrapped in a bone crushing hug.

“You tight, posh, ass....I missed you.”

Kyle recovered afternoon a second and wrapped his arm around Kenny’s middle.

“And I missed your broke, skinny ass.” It was the most childish, immature thing he had allowed himself to say since he got here. Kenny had clearly missed their banter by the little shake he gave Kyle’s shoulders before he let go. He walked over to his door, donning his slippers still, and opened it for them.

“Ken, can I call you if I think of something else?”

Kyle followed him back through the house.

“No. You can drive your ass over here and talk to my face, though.”

Kyle couldn’t bite down the little smile on his lips as he stared at Kenny’s back. He nodded his head again at Mr. McCormick as they passed by him. He’d have to make an effort to come back here soon.

“Alright.” Kyle gave Kenny a hug goodbye.  
“I’ll drive over then.”

“Good!”

“No you won’t either.” A gruff voice came from behind them.

The couple whipped their heads around to Mr. McCormick who kept his eyes glued to the tv.

He didn’t elaborate any further and Kyle turned to Kenny with a questioning look. He only gave Kyle a little disapproving nod and an eye roll. Kenny couldn’t speak for the asshole things his father said, so Kyle simply shrugged it away.

“Well. I’ll come to YOU then.” Kenny gave his dad a glare the older man easily ignored. He offered Kyle another shrug, trying to apologize for his behavior.

Kyle didn’t hold it against either of them. His own father had done enough damage to everybody. Kyle knew it would eventually ruin his personal relationships, too. It was like a family curse but, thankfully, Ike and his mother weren’t too affected by it. Kyle knew what becoming a lawyer like Gerald would do to his family’s image, and he acknowledged the burden he’d be carrying around because of it.

Kenny opened the door for him when suddenly both boys froze and stared at the carnage that lay waiting for them.

“DAD!” Kenny spun around and raced over to the living room window. He looked out before he turned around and paced over to his father. Kyle half expected him to smack him.

“DAD you could SEE people robbing Kyle’s car! Why the FUCK didn’t you tell us?!”

His father only picked his beer can off of the table and took a sip of it. Eyes fixed on the tv still.

Kenny threw his hands up. He ran back over to a very stunned Kyle still staring out the doorway. They hadn’t been talking long, yet someone had decided to strip the only nice car in the neighbor of all its resources.

“Take your fucking pills dad.” Kenny muttered venomously.

“Ehh, after the beer. Don’t mix the two. Please.” 

Kenny insisted his father take his pills again, purposely ignoring the danger. Kyle pat his shoulder and tried to be reassuring that he didn’t blame him.

“It’s alright, Ken. Let’s just call-“

“I KNOW. I’m calling Eric right fucking now. Son of a bitch.” Kenny made circles on the living room carpet.

 

Kyle turned back to stare at the horrid state of his car.

All four tires had been stolen, the window had been jimmied open and the door unlocked, and it looked like they’d ripped out the radio. 

Glad he paid the extra money for insurance.

“Fuck.” He muttered. Kenny joined him again, putting an arm around his shoulder.

“Shit. I’m so sorry, Kyle. 100 bucks it was a group of kids.”

“No doubt....”

“Cartman’s on his way right now.” 

“It’s covered don’t worry about it.” Kyle assured him. The worst part wasn’t the car, honestly. Which Kenny could guess.

 

“Ahhh...C-come back inside. No use staring at it.” Kyle grimaced bit did as he said. He was right. His nostalgia couldn’t turn everyone back to normal, and his staring wouldn’t assemble stolen car parts. 

But standing around didn’t fix his headache. 

“You want a shot of whiskey?” Kenny called on his way towards the kitchen.

Kyle laughed solemnly. “Wish that would do it, but I need to be on my game. I can’t walk in there drunk.”

Kenny stopped walking and turned around to face him.

“....you’re still going to the school?”

“Yeah, ESPECIALLY now. Maybe the principal can give me a name who might have done this.”

Kenny scoffed, shaking his head at Kyle’s persistence. Which he had expected. “That would be over half the school.”

“It’s just a matter of who’s not in attendance for first period right now.”

“Oh shit. See you’re the smart one Kyle. I wouldn’t have thought of that.”

“No, you’re just too lazy to give it brain power.” 

“Hey, very true.” Kenny popped a beer can open and started chugging. Kyle rolled his eyes and took the seat in the living room next to the window.

Cartman didn’t take much longer than that to roll up with his blue lights flashing. 

Kyle met him at the front before he was even knocking on Kenny’s door.

“Can you believe this?!” Kyle threw a hand out towards his car.

Cartman, in aviators and his coat zipped up to his chin, turned back to give it another thoughtful look. Then he fixed Kyle with a hand on his hip and a nod of his head.

“Yes.”

“Ugh!” Kyle scrubbed a hand over his face.

The brunette shifted his weight and reached for a notepad. He took a pen out with his other one. 

“Tell me what you saw.”

“We know SHIT.” Kenny said from the doorway. He came out in two inches of snow and bedroom slippers to stand behind Kyle. He was absolutely fuming, and it honestly surprised Kyle he cared this much. “We weren’t around to see it, but my dad was. And he didn’t bother to tell us SHIT, even while it was happening.”

Cartman stood there staring at them. Kyle knew his eyes were flicking between them behind those glasses. He clicked the pen a couple of times like some sort of nervous habit, then put it and the notepad away.

“Alright then.” 

Kyle hoped that meant he had a plan. It sounded defeated. 

Cartman walked passed the couple into Kenny’s living room, not saying anything more about it. He waved at Mr. McCormick and took a spot standing by his chair. Meaning that would be it for Kenny and Kyle’s help in all this.

“Come on.” Kenny put an arm around Kyle’s shoulder and ushered him away.

“Let them talk.”

Kyle knew his being there was part of the problem. There was still a lot of animosity between their fathers. He just had to make himself remember why the poor treatment was there and remember that he had made peace with it. Some people just wouldn’t move on, though Kyle didn’t have a choice.

 

After 5 minutes of standing in the snow next to a run down car, Kenny was eager to take Kyle’s mind away from their situation. He popped his head in the door and told Cartman they’d be walking to the liquor store and to drive by when he had something.

Kyle didn’t know how legal that was in relality. To just make a call and ditch the scene of the crime for a bit. But Kyle could see Cartman wave them off through the window like it wasn’t a problem. So he left it at that.

Kenny bumped shoulders with him the whole walk. It reminded Kyle of how careless the blonde boy was and how enviable Kyle always found that level of chill. Kenny’s shoulder bumps had a small purpose, too. It was a means of showing his endearment and was just about Stan’s favorite thing. Kenny’s public affection for his friends was one of his most wonderful traits, and Kyle secretly wished he had had that kind of confidence about showing his feelings.

He chose screaming matches with Cartman, and laughing at other people’s misery with Stan to show his endearment instead. Neither actually as healthy as Kenny’s soft little touches. Now that they were older and had become a bit less crude, Kyle didn’t participate in any of that anymore, and he felt a tiny ache at how distant he’d become with his friends while Kenny hadn’t been affected at all.

He watched their feet march in unison as he tried to clear his mind from all the chaos they were walking away from. Stress didn’t begin to cover it. He tried to focus on their surroundings instead.

He definitely did not like the tiny masses of people gathered in odd places. He hadn’t really noticed them before, though they clearly weren’t trying to hide themselves. They gave him stares, which he had imagined was from the suit he was wearing, until he noticed Kenny getting glares, too.

 

They weren’t friendly glances, and Kenny made it a point to give them his own stare down. Kyle didn’t know what kind of turf war the staring waged exactly, but he recognized the tension. Most glaring faces seemed satisfied by Kenny’s response and turned the other way. Kyle was a fantastic fighter in every respect, but he decided it best to stay close to Kenny.

The people at the store were weary of the duo, too. They watched them like hawks while Ken picked out his favorite whisky. Kyle refrained, knowing if he got something now, he wouldn’t wait to drink it later. This had been a hell of a week so far and he was so over the car dilemma. He could down a few bottles of his favorite gin and probably live.

 

Cartman still hadn’t come for them by the time they walked out of the store.

“Shit.” Kenny pat his hoodie pockets down before he remembered.  
“I’d call him, but my phone got ran over.”

Kyle shook his head. Of course that’s what happened.  
“Here.”  
He pulled his phone out and flipped it open.

“Dude! A flip phone? For real? Didn’t know these still existed.” 

Kyle grinned back.

“It’s a burner phone. People want me dead.”

Kenny‘s mouth shut closed so fast, his teeth audibly clicked. He had the right mind not to ask who Kyle was talking about, though.

“What’s his number?”

Kenny swallowed and regained his composure. 

“Uh. I’ll type it for you.”

“Go ahead an answer, too.”

Kenny nodded and put the phone to his ear. Kyle heard it ringing, but no one picked up on the other end.

“Try again?”

“Nah, if Cartman doesn’t answer, it means he’s on a call.” Kenny handed his phone back.

“Fuck. He should be off by now. It’s almost 9 30.”

“Yeah should be, could be. Must be ‘important’. It usually is when they keep him busy in the early hours. He goes in at like 8 pm every night you know. Those hours sound exhausting.”

Kyle searched his face. Was it the lack of officers or just shitty policy?

“Yeah...it seriously does....What about you? When do you work?”

“You actually got me right when I was coming off shift. I was glad to meet you, though. Don’t worry.”

“Dude, you should be sleeping! You have to do it all over tonight.”

“It’s cool. I wanted to see you more. Besides, I can sleep when I’m dead.” Kenny shrugged and bumped shoulders with him playfully.

Kyle bit his lip and shook his head. At least no one in his friend group was taking care of themselves still. That too had stayed the same.

“Where you want to go now? My house isn’t the friendliest.” Kenny looked down at his feet.  
“And we shouldn’t go far ‘til we hear from Cartman again.”

“Really? He isn’t going home after this other call?”

“No. Why would he? I don’t know if it’s another call or not, it could be my father just being difficult. But he’d at least come tell us what he’s got on your car thief or give you a ride someplace. This isn’t really his zone so he wouldn’t come all the way out here for nothing.”

Kyle was about to ask him to repeat that last part when Kenny gave him a sad look.  
“Sorry I can’t give you a ride myself, dude. I have to walk everywhere while Karen’s got the truck.”

Kyle pat his shoulder. “No, don’t sweat it.” Although Kyle was vaguely remembering a promise he had made to himself not to go tramping in the snow with his suits on.

“I mean that’s why taxis are a thing.” 

“I guess.” Kenny shrugged. He still felt bad for the whole ordeal. He knew his dad could have helped, and it wasn’t fair to Kyle he was being punished for somebody else’s ghosts. 

Kyle was about to call a cab when they heard tires treading.

 

They turned their heads to see Cartman’s police car driving from the direction of Kenny’s house. More particularly, the school’s direction.

“Well shit. There he is.” Kenny gave Kyle a smile. “Told you he’d come back.”

“Hmph. You did.” Kyle felt a touch of warmth in his chest from having both his friends come through for him. It was Cartman’s job to find the suspects, and Kenny had done little more than offer him his company. But that didn’t matter. Kyle still felt that stupid wave of nostalgia impairing his better judgment again.

Cartman turned into the parking lot and waited for them to coming running over.

Kenny was shouting before Eric could get the window all the way down.  
“So?! Did you find out who-“

“Officer Bren has them. Two punks with a tire iron skipping English class.”

Kyle and Kenny stared at the boy in the drivers seat. 

Kenny wanted to congratulate Kyle for his excellent guess, but was too fixated on Cartman’s black eye and split lip.

“They’ll handle it from here. You’re a lawyer, you can sue them if you want. I would.”

Kyle stared silently while Eric didn’t seem to give the increasing darkness in his eyes another thought.

“As it is.” He sighed and scrubbed his forehead with his gloved hand. “I can take you where you need to go. Switch day starts now so I’ve got a few days off.”

Eric turned in his seat a little better and gave Kyle his best ‘don’t fuck with me face’, though allowing Kyle a perfect view of the redness seeping into his battered eye. “This is a favor, by the way. DON’T push it. Get in.”

 

Kyle kept staring at the splotches of purple and blue. Another similar splotch framed the corner of his mouth. 

Kyle swallowed. He knew Cartman was talking, saying something important to him, but it was hard to hear him when all his focus was on those viscous bruises. 

Angry didn’t describe it.

“Kyle?” Kenny pat him. “...you, Uh....you want Cartman to give you a ride?”

“I WILL sue them.” Kyle suddenly ground out, surprising the other boys.  
“When I’m done, no one’s ever going to fucking touch them. I’m going to fuck their lives over into adulthood.”

There was a stiff silence surrounding the trio for a second as Kyle balled his fists into cracking knuckles.

Kenny and Eric gave each other ‘what-the-fuck’ stares as Kyle circled around the police car and got inside. The blonde was almost scared to see them off, waving a shaky hand as Cartman drove Kyle towards his hotel room. He’d call cartman in a few hours to check he’d survived Kyle’s anger.

He’d sat quietly through the whole car ordeal, and Kenny had been CONVINCED Kyle took some kind of anger management classes. True to form, Cartman ended up bringing out the worst in him in the end. 

It was a pleasant surprise for Kenny who honestly hadn’t known Kyle any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter was to get some FLUFF bunnies into the next one.


	4. Dinner date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama and fluffy boyhhs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF   
>  fluff scattered in weird places
> 
> One on one time with Eric and Kyle HEEECK YEAH cute boys

Kyle had thrown his arms around, slapping Eric’s dashboard enough times to have officially knocked everything on his half of the car twice. Eric dodged a smack near his elbow.

“If you hit my window locks one more time, you’re sitting on the other side of that cage.”

Kyle didn’t feel like calming down just yet, and continued to cause a scene like he hadn’t heard him.

“They’re SCUM, Cartman! If they spent more time in school, they wouldn’t be such degenerate assholes!” Kyle hit the unlock button again with his fist.

“No, they wouldn’t!” Eric clicked the car locks on and rolled Kyle’s window up.  
“That school isn’t teaching them anything, and it’s not making them better citizens. Now sit there and shut up ‘til I get you home!”

Kyle sighed hard enough to make sure his disdain obvious. Whether that was childish or not, Kyle wanted it clear that he wouldn’t have any leniency when dealing with those punks. Fuck he was pissed. He crossed his arms and sat back in his seat, his floppy eared hat obstructing his pout from Eric’s view. 

Kyle could still see him, though. The bruises were on Kyle’s side, and he could see them growing darker by the minute.

“Still. I think they’re better off in school than they are outside of it.”

“That’s what the principal would have you think.”

 

“....what do you know about the mayor and the school’s relationship?”

“More than Kenny, and nothing that’d make sense to you.”

“Why? I’m not smart enough?” Kyle glared. He shouldn’t take his anger out on Cartman, but his blood was still boiling, and he was making it easy.

“Don’t be stupid,” Eric nearly slammed on breaks as a dog ran out in front of them.

Kyle jerked forward, reaching out to brace himself on the dashboard.  
“That’s what I’m asking you.”

Their screaming seemed to make his driving that much more hectic.

“You wouldn’t get it because you haven’t been inside there yet. I have. Many times. I know what the people are like, and I’ve seen the way they handle things. As if nothing’s wrong.”

“They don’t think there’s a problem? The woman at the front desk agreed to let me speak to them about the crime epidemic. That has to mean they acknowledge somethings wrong .”

Eric didn’t say anything. For a while, the only sound came from his blinker as they waited to turn. 

Kyle knew he wasn’t being tactful about this. He didn’t know the first thing about what was happening in South Park anymore, and the only guy here who did was getting the third degree.

“That’s what they want you to believe....Why do you want to talk with them about that?”

“I have some ideas.” Kyle shrugged.  
“I want to see things change.”

“You always have.” Eric muttered. It sounded nastier than Kyle would have liked to hear, but he knew he deserved it. He tried to brush it off.

“The Mayor isn’t getting back to me like she promised either, so I’m going to come to them-“

“Don’t trust her.”

“What?” Kyle turned back to face him.  
“You work for her.”

Eric’s gloves tightened on the steering wheel, the sound of leather cinching together.

“I work for the PEOPLE.....She means nothing to me.”

Kyle swallowed, but he didn’t say anything more. He knew exactly what had driven Cartman into the police force so he shut his mouth, and turned to stare out the window.

The hotel he was staying at came into view after another quick turn. “Here it is.”

“I know.” Eric mumbled and flipped his signal on.

When Kyle told him the hotel name, Cartman knew exactly where to take him. He knew every road in South Park, including the mayor lovers’ street. Not that he’d ever had a call out that way, and he knew he never would.

Kyle expected him to drop him off at the front and be done with him. Instead, Eric pulled into a parking space and turned the car off. 

He was about to ask Cartman what he was doing when he turned and gave Kyle a look of absolute death. Easily done with the darkening bruises on his face.

“Listen I want to go home, I want TO SLEEP. I want my cat to make biscuits on my sensitive skin, and curl up against my spine. And YOU are preventing me from that.”

Kyle stared at him, one hand clutching the door handle.

“So listen carefully to what I’m about to say so I can go. Do not trust that mayor. Don’t trust her people. Kyle, DON’T go to that school. You don’t have any business there-“

“But I do!”

“KAHL! You’re not LISTENING.”

“You’re not on duty anymore, for the record.”

“For the RECORD, if I’m in this car with this uniform and this badge on my shoulder, I AM. And my record is the only one that matters-OW!”

Eric hissed and put a hand over his eye. He immediately drew it back as he did.  
“Fuck....”

Kyle swallowed. Something sharp twisting in his gut. He didn’t like seeing him like this, especially knowing it was because of him. Eric had bruises because he chased those kids down for Kyle and then they...

Oh GOD. 

Eric said they had a tire iron.

“Cartman...you need to go the hospital. They hit you with essentially a crowbar in the face.”

“Ah! You have to explain that to me, really? I know better than you do what they hit me with. AH! And where. Fuck that hurts...”

“What if they caused some bleeding in there?”

“What if. I’ve had worse.”

Kyle was having an increasingly hard time sitting in his seat hearing that.

“At least take an aspirin. Thin the blood.”

“Sounds safe.”

“It is, hold on.” Kyle pulled the door handle.

“No wait-“

He was already ducking out of Eric’s car and slamming the door shut, jogging over to the hotel. 

Eric stared in shock for a minute, then rolled the window down and started screaming for him to come back.  
“Kyle! I can just buy some from the store! Kyle!”

But Kyle didn’t turn around. He was only on the second floor thankfully so he wouldn’t take long to return. The wait for the elevator was the longest part.

He slipped his key card in the reader and pushed the door open. He didn’t bother to close it, knowing he’d only take a second to run out.

He shuffled through a couple bags of luggage, searching for the box of medicine he’d taken with him. Kyle was prone to migraines, and he made sure to take plenty of over the counter pills for it wherever he went. He was like a little pharmacy.

Right now though, he wasn’t finding any of that. He knew he had it somewhere, because he took some after Stan’s house a couple nights ago.

Where the fuck?  
....He must have left it in the car......which those kids probably stole. There was a common practice to crush things up and sell them off as heavier drugs. Risky if the pissed off buyer found out about it, but done right was easy money.

Ok, he KNEW he had an ice pack. Eric could at least use that for the swelling . He went to the little fridge and opened the door. Sure enough, there was an ice pack in the cubby ready to use. It was the best he could give him, unfortunately, but it’d have to do.

“Kyle, seriously. Don’t go to that school. It’s DANGEROUS.”

Kyle startled and whipped around to find Eric standing in his doorway, clutching his eye.  
Still complaining.

Kyle walked over holding out the ice pack.  
“Here, put this on your face.”

Eric stared at it a second then grimaced.  
“...what happened to aspirin.”

“I fucking lost it, I think.” Kyle ran a hand threw his hair.

“...I’m not putting that on my face.”

“What?” Kyle looked it over.  
“What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s cold as hell.”

“Yeah that’s the point.” Kyle pushed it towards him.

“No! Put a towel around it first. Don’t you know you’re not supposed to put an ice pack directly on your skin? Like, please tell me you know that.”

“What the fuck.” Kyle rolled his eyes at the ceiling. He turned around and started digging through his bag again. He pulled a plain t shirt out and wrapped it around the ice pack before handing it back to Eric.

“Better?”

Eric stared at it a few seconds, eyes flicking between it and Kyle’s face. He reached out and took it from his hand, continuing to stare.

“What’s wrong with it now?”

“N-nothing......”

“Great.”   
*Choke on it then*. Kyle thought sourly. 

He turned around and walked over to the hotel phone. He picked it up and started dialing the number for the car company he rented from. Here came the fun part, getting another car.

Eric stood on the other side of the room with Kyle’s shirt held to his eye. He felt awkward just standing there staring, but it wasn’t like he had been entirely welcomed inside. He watched Kyle begin to banter with the car people, fishing out his wallet and reading some numbers on his paperwork a couple agonizing times. 

Eric turned back to the door they’d left open and decided to close it. If he was going to be here, he didn’t want his back, which read ‘POLICE’, turned towards an open door. Even if this was the tamer side of town.

He was at least going to stay until Kyle got through his phone call to finish his mini lecture. He knew he’d regret it forever if Eric was unable to save another person from walking into that school.

Listening to Kyle scream into the phone over insurance fraud was better than tv. He’d always gotten a kick out of Kyle’s cap-less rage. It sounded like someone was trying to tell him his contract didn’t cover the incident, and Kyle wouldn’t have it.

Eric watched he exchange through his one eye.

“No-NO, ITS NOT. That’s impossible since it’s right here in my hand!........................ get your manager on the phone then, and let him tell me that.............I didn’t talk to either one of you! You aren’t even the guy that rented to me.......You know what-SHUT your mouth, I’m dialing his extension.............................well I thought you could handle this but I guess I was wrong......Yes!.....................Enough, I’m calling the extension now. You’re just some kind of diversion tactic or something. Is that what they pay you for? Keep the callers busy?....Well that doesn’t work on me! Diversion tactics are my job.”

Eric listened with rapt attention. A younger, more immature part of him wishing to egg on Kyle’s aggressor if just to see Kyle throw the lamp off the nightstand at him. It’d certainly lighten up his day.

As he watched Kyle dial that extension number, he decided the chair sitting by the door looked comfier than standing around in the extra 20 pounds of utility equipment he was wearing. He put the pack on the edge of the bed and walked over to it.

It wasn’t the comfiest chair in the world, but at least it had arms and provided an ample view of Kyle chucking his coat at the wall in frustration.

The pain in Eric’s eye was searing. His mouth wasn’t so bad, except for the teeth that had gotten punched where his lip was split. Nausea was slowly creeping in from the mixture of pain and the dizzy feeling of only one eye focusing correctly.

He closed them and tried to think about Gumbo waiting for him on the loveseat at home. All fluff and grey mane. Making that sweet, stupid meow he made when Eric made too many kissy noises near his face. Like a plea for him to stop. 

He tried to think about kicking these boots off and ditching his blousing straps. About rolling under the covers of his king size bed and disappearing until nightfall. And eating dinner. And breakfast. 

Kyle rambled on across the room.

“I’m not going to beg. Tell me you have the insurance agreement, or I’ll sue you for malpractice and breach of contract..............trust me when I say I’ve got that kind of time. It’s literally my job...I’ll get paid for it even........I’ve got a copy right here in my hands, and if I have to drive all the way over there and SHOW you, I’m going to be PISSED......that’s right. Right here in my hands. I’m staring at it.........well that’s fantastic. I’m thrilled it magically appeared. Get a piece of paper, and I’ll tell you where to send it.”

Kyle put the phone back on the receiver while managing not to slam it. It would take about a day for the car to get there, which wasn’t a horribly long wait honestly.

He ran a hand over his forehead, wishing he knew where the headache medicine was. He walked over to his bag and started looking for it again in hopes it would appear like the dealers’ contract copy had.

“Is that ice pack helping any?” Kyle knew Eric would have done better with the medicine, and he debated running to the store to get something for both of them. 

“Cartman?” Kyle looked over when he didn’t answer. 

Eric was curled up in the chair, through some miracle. His belt was unclasped and hanging off the seat, hands shoved in his coat pockets. His knees were drawn towards his chest and his shoulders were scrunched close to his chin.

He had managed to fit himself into such a tight space and look relatively comfy about it.

 

Kyle blinked a few times, wondering what he should do. Send him home half asleep behind a wheel after he gave him a ride here....or wake him long enough to at least get him on the couch. 

Eric was too tired to care where he fell asleep, but Kyle just couldn’t imagine being that drawn together would be comfortable in any way. Though he was much taller and more stretched out. He tilted his head and looked him over one last time. He was out like a light so quickly, Kyle imagined it’d only taken a few minutes for him to fall asleep like that. He didn’t see the harm in letting him sleep, so he turned away and decided to give him some peace. 

There was plenty to do still anyway.

Kyle shucked his suit off and got comfy. He’d be stuck in a room for the rest of the day and he wasn’t going to lay around on the bed in one. The first order of business was calling the mayor again, this time armed.

She answered and recognized his voice immediately. He’d called so many times already. 

“Mr. Kyle, it’s a pleasure.” She insisted.

“I’m not sure if it is, Mayor. My car was found stripped of its parts this morning.”

“Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry to hear that!”

“Me too. I was visiting a friend. He lives off Avenue De Los Mex. The street Corlin high is built off of.”

 

“...oh.....I see.”

“I guess that was to be expected from what I’ve been hearing lately. And I think you know why I’m calling, then.”

“Yes, I do. I’ve been so swamped lately, I’m sorry I haven’t been able to meet with you. Running this town isn’t easy.”

“No, it’s pretty terrible.”

Kyle said brazenly and was met with silence.

“That’s why I’m insisting you give me an audience today. I want to explain my ideas that I know can do some good. I rather do that than sue a school for four stolen tires. Nobody wins that way.” Except for Kyle.

 

“Yes, Yes, right! We don’t want that! That whole district would suffer much more financially worse than it already does.” She sounded perfectly nervous, and Kyle was thrilled. He kept the excitement out of his voice, and continued to corner her.

What she was saying exactly, was she would suffer and there would be less money in her peoples’ pockets. Kyle knew that wouldn’t do at all.

 

“You understand I’m not trying to make threats. I just have to look out for my well being, too.”

“Of course!”

“I hate to be a problem for a town I’m trying to fix.”

“I understand, Mr. Kyle. Don’t worry about anything. How does this evening work for you?”

 

Kyle glanced over at the sleeping ball on the chair. He’d need a ride there and Cartman wouldn’t agree to it if the mayor was involved. He’d made that clear this morning through all his whining.

But that was only if he KNEW he was going to see the mayor.

“That works for me.”

Mayor Hannah suggested a restaurant with her personal attention in a back room. Kyle didn’t care where, and he didn’t care about her attempts to wow him. He agreed and made sure to get the right time before clicking off.

Mayor Hannah was ready to smash the phone through the receiver.  
“You wouldn’t BE a problem if you had kept your face out of South Park.”

While the mayor sulked, Kyle prepared for the battle ahead. 

He had plenty of time to sit around now and decide exactly what he was going to say. Something to counter any quick remarks she might make. Something pleasant to layer her with. And a backup- something that sounded noble and just. And professional. His mission was all three, but it was hard to convince a stranger of your good intent. He’d figure it out somehow.

 

He showered off around midday, mostly to calm his nerves. Hot water on his back and shoulders brought out the best of his brain power, the warmth relaxing him. The mayor better watch out. When he could focus, his tactfulness and wit increased dangerously. He could think much clearer with the heat drenching his tight muscles.

For instance. Cartman had a cat that liked making biscuits on his back when he was trying to sleep.

Kyle’s eyes snapped open.

 

....Well he hadn’t meant think of Cartman. BUT he could assure one, his focus was at its peak in a warm shower.

Although he donned a hat incredibly familiar to the one in his childhood as often as possible, Kyle, actually had a legitimate routine for dealing with his curls. He couldn’t get away with wearing those black floppy ears inside the courtroom, as much as Morgan had begged him to try it once.

He kept his hair shorter around his ears and neck. The curls cut before they could do little more than softly wave out a touch. His bangs were the longest and they stayed swept over any time he was wearing a suit to display good etiquette. 

It was bearable in his opinion, though not preferable. A lot of girls tried pickup lines on him at the bar, so it couldn’t be entirely horrific. Too much of his face was left open for his liking. Even though all the hats he often wore had done nothing but create a square around his face and broadcasted his features, it somehow felt worse when it was hair’s fault. He still hated it.

He had a few more hours before he had to worry about getting dressed properly, so he left his hair to curl messily like it had in his teenage years until it was time to slick it back. 

He came out of the bathroom and sat on the bed, sliding up against the headboard. He picked the remote off the nightstand and cut the tv on.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d watched it. When he was finished at work, he often went out to experience the night life; usually with Morgan.   
And that was only if he had managed to leave work on time. New lawyers didn’t make their own hours after all.

A drowsy voice came from the corner of the room while Kyle was flipping through sport packages.

“What time is it?”

Kyle snapped his head over to see Eric in his chair, looking around the room like he’d been kidnapped.

“Is this your room?” Eric murmured.

“Yeah....”

“Explains why I let you in.”

Kyle pulled out his phone and checked the screen.

“It’s 6 in the afternoon.”

“FUCK.”

“What’s wrong?”

Eric smacked a hand over his forehead.  
“If you haven’t noticed, Kahl, I’m here, and not at home. Feeding my STARVING cat!”

“Whoa, I’m sorry! I didn’t want to wake you. You did so much for me this morning, i just wanted you to sleep some....You’re eye looks terrible.”

“Suck me.” Eric growled venomously.

“What?! I’m worried.”

Eric got to work prying his body apart from the chair. 

“Ah, JESUS. Yeah I’m sure you are....” he managed to separate his legs from against the chair’s arm piece and his chest. An audible crack came from what Kyle assumed was his back. A series of cursing and moaning followed as he stood up and stretched.

“Well, thanks,” Eric popped his neck with his hands. “I’m even more broken now.”

“But are you tired?” Kyle quipped, keeping the smugness from his voice.

Eric glared murderously. He fixed his coat back down and turned around towards the door, eager to get out and go home.

 

“Wait! I actually need a ride somewhere.” Kyle scooted off the bed and stood awkwardly beside it. Realizing he probably blew his chance.

“Fucking hell, Kyle,” Eric groaned and scrubbed his face.   
“I told you this morning not to push it.”

 

“The replacement car comes tomorrow. This is the last time I’ll need one, I swear. I’ll even pay you for your time! I’ve got a dinner date tonight and I really need a ride, please? It’s important.”

 

Eric stared at him in silence. Finally, he rolled his eyes, and shook his head in disgust. 

“We’re stopping by my place so I can feed my cat first.”

Kyle lit up and gave an all too practiced smile he often fixed his clients with.

“Perfect! Let’s leave right now then! Better early than late.”

 

“Are you going like that?” Eric muttered, trying desperately not to stare at the tight black t shirt across Kyle’s chest. It wouldn’t do for him to think Cartman was envious of his perfect body after all.

Kyle looked down at him self, running a slender hand down his torso.  
“No actually....Hold on, I’ll only take a second.”

Eric kept his eyes glued on the tv as Kyle’s firm thighs, clad in sweatpants, walked by into the bathroom.

 

He was an expert at putting on a suit at this point, and he didn’t take more than five minutes to get it on and fix his hair.

 

He threw his scarf around his neck as they walked down the hall, checking himself in the mirrors as they passed. They took the stairs down being so close to the bottom, and Kyle waved at the front desk people on the way out.

 

“They thought I was here to arrest you.” Eric said suddenly.

“What?” 

“I asked for your room number and a key card while in my uniform.”

Oh. Kyle had to laugh.  
“Well. That explains the nervous stares.”

“It does. You still look like you could be a criminal.”

“ME?” Kyle turned towards him with a hand on his chest as they approached Eric’s car.

“Yeah. Like a drug lord or something.”

Kyle didn’t let him see his smile as he pulled the door open and took his seat. The leather seats were comfy and warmed quickly.

They drove in silence, Kyle stealing glances at the radio and equipment in the car. A lot of it was foreign to him, but Eric knew exactly what every button did. It was kind of impressive to think about.

Kyle didn’t pay too much mind to his house when they rolled up to it. It was on the same street as his child hood home, almost on the opposite end. It was like any of the houses Kyle and Eric grew up with, with strange color schemes and sharp roofs. 

The only thing that caught his eye was the way Cartman immediately ducked down as he opened his door and snatched up the large cat that was waiting for him.

 

It took longer than Kyle expected for him to come back, but there was still plenty of time for him to make it. He just liked being an early bird for everything.

Eric came out with his utility belt removed and all traces of cop stature erased. He wore clothes Kyle was more familiar with, like a plain, deep red hoodie.

He waved a hand at Kyle to get out and move to his civilian car. Kyle stepped out and walked over, taking in the sight of Eric in black converse.

“Not supposed to ride in that while I’m not in uniform.” He explained. It made sense.

“Then why didn’t you invite me inside with you and out of the cold for all that time.”

Eric stopped himself before sitting down and looked over the roof of the car to give Kyle a glare.

“Because it’s MY house. Rude.” Eric sat down in the driver seat.

“What?!” Kyle joined him inside.  
“I let you sleep on my chair, curled up like a fucking cat!”

“T-that’s different.”

“How!?”

“That’s not your home. And besides I took a beating for you......And I’m STILL stiff from sleeping in that position for 8 hours...”

Kyle scoffed and turned away towards the window. “You’re such a baby.”

Kyle thought about the thick ball of fluff Eric scooped off the floor as they drove away. The house really wasn’t significant, a sign the extravagant, over dramatic Eric Cartman wasn’t home very often. There was something to be said about him owning a house in his 20s, though, and Kyle wanted to ask if he was renting it. 

The restaurant the Mayor picked was new since Kyle had been there, and relatively close to her office. It was two stories and nicer than most everything in South Park was. As Kyle looked through the window at the line of street lamps stamping the parking lot, he noticed that it was getting dark outside. The stars weren’t out yet, but the dim glow from each lamp shone against the dark blue sky.

“Alright we’re here. Hope your date gives you a ride home ‘cause I’m out!” Eric quipped happily, eager to be home. He put the car in park and waited for Kyle to tuck and roll. He had places to be and food to eat.

“Doubtful.” Kyle said, unable to help his grin from how hard the mayor was attempting to impress him. 

“I’m meeting with Mayor Hannah, but I’ll call an Uber after.” Kyle shut the car door before he could see the sudden fear in Eric’s eyes. 

Kyle stood outside of it and fixed his coat lapel. Within the same second, Eric was whipping his door open and screaming over the top of his car.

“Kyle stop! Don’t do it!”

Kyle turned around, brows furrowed.

“What? I’m just going to talk to her. I’ll be very professional.” He assured him and began walking towards the door.  
“Thanks for the ride.”

“Hey! No, wait!” Eric slammed his door shut again and sped around into the nearest parking spot. Kyle was opening the front doors by the time Eric ran and caught up to him.

“Kyle remember that thing I said? That you needed to stay far away from the school? That applies to Hannah. REMEMBER what I said?! Don’t do this Kyle!” 

Kyle wasn’t listening...much. He just assured Eric again with a calm voice it was all going to be fine.

“Kyle you don’t KNOW this town anymore. I DO. Trust me, this is a stupid idea. Even for you!” Eric resorted to insults as Kyle refused to acknowledge him.

Eric walked beside him, squeezing through doors as Kyle approached the man standing the reservations list. 

“Kyle, listen for once-“

A woman’s voice called out to the couple. catching their attention and turning Eric’s blood cold.

“Mr. Kyle! And Eric?...Good evening.” Mayor Hannah came walking up with her heels clacking against the hard wood floors.

Kyle greeted her with a smile and a hand shake. “Hello! Glad we could finally meet again.”

“So am I! And is your friend joining us tonight.”

The two of them looked down at a very apprehensive Cartman who stared back wide eyed and wishing Kyle knew the danger he was in. He couldn’t say so now with Hannah watching.

“Well I think he just wanted to give me a ride and head home-“

“Nonsense!” Hannah waved a hand around, then put it on Eric’s shoulder.   
“Come join us, Officer Eric.” She tilted her head and smiled. 

She walked ahead of Kyle with Eric in tow. Kyle tried to ignore Eric’s pleas to ‘go home now’ that were met with a ‘not a chance’.

 

They sat in a back room, as Hannah had promised, with nice lighting and a smooth atmosphere. For the first time in his life, Kyle was seeing Eric actually underdressed for something. He didn’t know he had missed seeing him in one of his ridiculous getups until now. Though to be fair, he had been expecting to just drop Kyle off. 

The redhead felt entirely responsible for blurting out who he had come here to see. For whatever reason, Eric was viscously protective of whoever this mayor person really was, and Kyle should have had enough sense to keep his mouth closed around him.

 

Kyle knew when he should take some good advice and listen, but now it was 30 seconds too late. He didn’t mind throwing himself into his own chaos in the slightest, but now he felt guilty for having Cartman dragged into this.

There were a few other tables scattered around with their own dinner guests. Probably other figure heads like the mayor, and who would have no interest in what the three of them were saying. She didn’t have any kind of bodyguards or security lofting around her, so Kyle wondered how much of a threat this small town mayor could honestly be. Though Cartman insisted it.

 

 

“I’m going to guess here- did Eric handle your car break-in?”

“Yes, he came to the scene after my friend called the police for me. He even caught them not an hour later.”

“Impressive. Though he is one of our finest on the force.”

Cartman didn’t say anything, just stared at his silverware looking a mixture of bored and anxious.

“He does excellent work.” Kyle agreed. “He’s professional, tactful, and serious. It sounds like the standard criteria for this job, but I know Cartman stands out above the rest by bringing heart into it, too. You won’t find a better man for this job.”

“Well.” Hannah’s voice wavered as she reached for her glass.   
“He certainly plays his part.” 

Kyle frowned. He didn’t like her response.

Meanwhile, Eric couldn’t wrap his head around what he had just said. He stared at Kyle like there was a knife wound in his shoulder.

Kyle ignored him and focused on Hannah’s skittering looks between Kyle and her menu. Was she sizing him up? Was Kyle a threat to her after all?

“With that said, I have a lot of work still to do about my car thieves.” Kyle continued.

“There was more than one?”

“Two.” Eric mumbled, eyes fixed on his spoon again.

“And this is the only incident I’ve witnessed. I watched Cartman handle a case of a stolen vehicle just moments after our first meeting at city hall.”

“Ah....I don’t doubt it.” 

“So you agree there’s a problem, then?”  
Kyle could feel Eric’s eyes suddenly wash over him.

The woman across the table flexed beneath her shirt, eyes snapping up to meet him. Kyle would have to be a bit risky here regardless.

“I want to tell you how I think a few changes could make some big impacts.” He tried to sound almost ignorant by how obviously she had been staring him down a few seconds ago. He could pretend all was well, too, and perhaps that was the only language she knew.

Hannah nodded for him to continue, feigning interest underneath a thick layer of annoyance.

“I know you’ve been eager to tell me. Let’s hear it.”

“I just want us to consider starting somewhere small, with something manageable. I want the schools in South Park to start teaching Colorado law.”

There was a silence and a strange look in Hannah’s eye. Kyle knew it might need some explaining and he was happy to.

“I’ve heard and seen some incidents that suggest kids don’t actually know the laws.”

“Well sure, certainly not all of them. How much help do you believe moving away from a school’s planned curriculum for this will do?”

“I’m not asking for a prolong period of time dedicated to teaching them. I want teachers to simply go over it and then have them written somewhere public for kids to have access to during all school hours. Putting them in classrooms would be easiest, I think.”

The mayor went quiet again, looking him over behind her glass of wine. Kyle could go on all night just to get his point across.

“There’s taping on Cartman’s body cam of a teenage girl screaming about consent during her arrest. She stole a car, which is problematic in itself, but she believed screaming about consent might be the difference between freedom and detainment. A couple even heard her screams and started hindering an officer,” Kyle pointed a hand at Cartman.

“They believed he was using brutality. WRONGLY.”

“Well the officers of South Park know what kind of dangers they’re signing up for. Most become an enemy in the public eye.”

“Which is a problem that needs addressing, hm?” Kyle couldn’t help sounding condescending, but she was pissing him off with her indifference. She knew damn well what becoming a police officer entitled, and that wasn’t it.

 

“And you think teaching the law will help?”

“Yes. It’s the law, officers don’t make it and simply doing their jobs by following it doesn’t mean brutality. If we hope to save the adults, we need to start with the kids; young minds capable of learning. It’s for their safety too, of course. Not just the officers. Don’t you think teaching the law is quite essential in itself? Anyone could benefit from learning it, if you think about it.”

Before she could answer, the waiter came over to their table and got their orders, which Kyle didn’t give a second thought to. He wasn’t here to eat, and he didn’t touch his meal hardly twice by the time it arrived.

Mayor Hannah considered him while she ate. Not happily. It was more a game of how to indulge this troublesome child and still please her own agenda. 

 

And the last thing she wanted was this starry-eyed, kid-shooter smacking on lobster tail beside her getting involved with Kyle. 

Eric had been a mess for her image in office. He obeyed a direct order but went public with it when the result ended in tragedy in an effort to clear his partner’s name. She saw to it that he was suspended and given night shift, away from the majority of the town people’s view of him and soon their memory. Then threatened him on a deeper level. 

All the cops in South Park, whether they were her personal fans or not, knew Mayor Hannah’s name was not to be associated with anything police related. What Kyle didn’t know is Hannah often campaigned against police business in an effort to keep the people’s affection of her. They generally had a bad reputation in South Park these days for having to use a lot of force to handle crime incidents, as justified as they often were. Yet she had no qualms feigning ignorance of any ties to them.

 

Until Eric spouted off.

“Kyle, that’s quite a big step in contradiction to what you believe-“

“I can handle it. I’ll go myself and do all the work. You don’t have to worry.” Kyle wouldn’t even bother telling her this and would have just gone straight to the school if he hadn’t realized now that everything was ran by mayor Hannah’s approval first. 

If he could back her into a corner, he could win this. It looked like he almost had her, too.

She scowled at him. “You seem very determined.....this town means so much to you?”

Something flashed over Kyle’s face, something undefinable. Did this town mean so much to him?

Not exactly. Not entirely. 

It wasn’t so simple, really, and Kyle was reminded of Eric’s answer earlier that day.

“It’s for the people.”

That about ended the whole conversation and Hannah eventually conceded. She didn’t leave the table quietly, though, and insisted kyle rethink this. Consider watering this down into something a bit slower paced, as if it weren’t already. Then she stamped her approval on it, begrudgingly, and pretended she was needed at her office again.

Kyle was victorious, for now, and he intended to make good of it the moment he got his car back.

 

The two boys watched her leave, shooing off the wait staff that probably pushed money in her pocket to dump grease in their drains as they anxiously approached her. A few turning back to Kyle and Eric’s table with glowers.

“We should drive by and see if she’s actually at her office later.” Kyle muttered.

Eric turned around, cheeks still stuffed. Kyle didn’t know when he had stolen his plate, but he was glad it hadn’t gone to waste. The food wasn’t his taste, but it was expensive.

“You’ve done a lot of stupid things, but that was the most biohazard-ous for your health. She’s going to stab you in the back ‘til you’re lying in a pool of your own blood.”

“Descriptive.”

“Well, I can’t erase it from my brain. A guy stabbed his roommate with a K-Bar to the hilt, one night, then his grandma. And he dropped a tv on her afterwards and ran over to Wall*Mart.”

Kyle stared at him like he was eating spiders off his plate. Mouth drawn in a thin line.

“Anyways, I found her face down in a pool of her own blood. Grandma lived by the way.”

Kyle stared another minute, then flagged the waiter down for a check. He stuffed his card in the ticket book while Eric selfishly ignored his kindness in paying, and drank from the mayor’s wine glass.

Kyle laughed and rubbed his temples. He was slowly losing his mind after that frustrating conversation and he was eager to get them out of there the longer he bared witness to Cartman’s antics.

While Kyle collected his card at the front, Eric had to be shooed away by the busboy, and have the wine glass wrestled out of his hand.

 

Outside it was dark, the moon high in the sky. Stars speckled the atmosphere and provided a much better light than the decorative lamps did.

“Shit.” Kyle said as he stood in front of the passenger side of Eric’s car.   
“You can’t drive....You’ve been drinking.”

Eric looked at him like he’d just slapped his mother. 

 

“4 SIPS! I’m fucking sober, Kahl. You light weight.” 

Eric knew damn well Kenny and Kyle were the only drunks still standing at Bebe’s booze party senior year. But fuck him.

“If I’m going to clean up this town’s cop image issues, I can’t let anything slide.”

“You don’t have that authority, and the mayor damn sure didn’t pretend to give it to you.”

“Dude, seriously though.” Kyle tried to contain his grin.

“No IM seriously though. Look I’ll take a fucking breathalyzer?! Ok?”

“Do it then.”

“I will! Sit your ASS down.” Eric unlocked his doors and moved around to the trunk. There was a duffle bag inside full of emergency items, including Eric’s breathalyzer.

Kyle sat in he passenger seat with the door hung open, watching the show with an air of amusement. Eric blew into the straw piece and stared at it while it calculated.

“0.07. There.” Eric came around and shoved it in Kyle’s face.

“Just barely. You got all that from 4 sips?”

“Close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades, daywalker. Get inside, I’m taking you back.” 

Eric marched around to the drivers side and slammed his door shut, not realizing once that Kyle had just been in a playful mood. He didn’t tell him either, watching Eric pout from the corner of his eye. While Eric could contain his deep rooted urges to see Kyle explode in anger as he loved to do in old habits, Kyle hadn’t matured in that way at all, and he still delighted in seeing Eric ready to blow a gasket.

Kyle played with the breathalyzer Eric handed him while Eric drove to his hotel. They only argued once after that about why you shouldn’t speed up at a yellow light. Eric floored it anyway and listened to Kyle’s screams from the passenger side.


	5. The school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle deals with the school, Eric, and his doofus cat all in one day. Then acts like an idiot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eric has a lot of pain and Kyle doesn’t always think straight.
> 
> So just canon I guess XD

The replacement car arrived around mid afternoon, which was a pain, but there was still time to meet with the school administrator. It wasn’t a fantastic welcome, but Kyle could put that back on the Mayor. He highly, highly, doubted Hannah had called about Kyle coming happily. It was more likely a warning.

The principal himself was....a character. He seemed nervous, and in a way, it reminded him of Tweak. His name was Mr. Roanus, and he flinched when Kyle had done little more than stuck his hand out to shake. He kept his eyes almost glued on Kyle’s suit jacket, and Kyle eventually recognized that he was searching for any weapon outlines.

It was....trippy. But it got weirder. Roanus looked, well.....amazing. He had perfect white teeth, a full head of thick hair, tanned skin. He was healthy, very posh looking, and honestly-something from a magazine. Kyle almost thought he stepped into the wrong office after driving passed chewed up fences, busted lockers, and fist sizes holes in the wall of a very broken down school building.

His secretary wasn’t half bad either, if Kyle went for that sort of thing. The two of them looked surreal as they were the only pristine things in an otherwise house of horrors. It was DEFINITELY worse than Kyle had imagined, despite Cartman’s warnings and the fact it was built on Kenny’s street.

He remembered that while the school resided here, Roanus and his secretary did NOT. They lived far off in some rich little place made of nothing but prestige. Or so Ken had said. 

What he couldn’t figure out for sure was whether Roanus was nervous because Kyle was there, or if he was always this way. He was worried Roanus’s fleeting glances around the room and constant fidgeting meant he wasn’t even listening. 

Kyle told him exactly what he’d said to the mayor. He didn’t spare any details and he didn’t water anything down. He came in with demands that were quite doable and he expected this man to be able to fulfill them. After all, the mayor (angrily) said he could.

 

“So you see, Mr. Roanus, I brought this to the mayor’s attention because I believe we can all benefit from it. I told her I would personally handle the start-up, and that’s why I’m here today.”

The brown haired man sat back in his desk, looking Kyle over. The muscles in his jaw flexed as he chewed the inside of his cheek with pearly, white molars.

“Yes, yes, yes. She told me everything over the phone, and...well it sounds good in theory. No offense. I mean I like it. I think it’s fresh and resourceful. I think so. I think so, indeed. But, uh, I just- I just don’t see us having the time to make it so, Mr. Kyle-“

“I can put things into motion. I can get you every current law in Colorado and nothing but the facts. You won’t have to do anything except read what’s on the paper, not to trivialize your role. I can handle the rest, sir.” 

Kyle was used to selling his services. His business demanded it as he grew more independent from public court. Plus, Kyle knew how to back up what he was saying, making it hard to refuse his offers.

Sometimes that included pressuring people. When necessary.

 

Mr. Roanus bounced his nail against his desk, making a constant ‘clicking’ that filled the room and further added to his own anxiety. Kyle sat unfazed. He could out wait his nervousness, so long as it wasn’t doubt making the man hesitant. 

It probably was, though. He was sure the mayor had put a metaphorical knife to his throat about making sure Kyle did not proceed.

Unfortunately, she trusted a skittering, anxious man with that job, and at this point, Kyle had to wonder if MAYBE he DID care about Kyle’s idea. Perhaps he knew how much this place needed a change. That was precisely the problem with the mayor’s power purge. She could add the pressure from a safe distance, away from the chaos, but only those who were living in it, working in it, could stand to see things suffer for so long. 

This man had to know how hurtful this place was with a reputation like delinquent kids, and a swell of criminal offenses. Surely then he must be tired of wallowing in it. It would be exhausting to keep a school from having the things it needed AND still play its mediator. People looking up to him, expecting him to fix their problems and run things proper.

Kyle leaned over a bit further, looking as appealing in his suggestions as possible. It’d be nicer to sell himself as a truly innocent investor of well-beings, but Kyle looked nothing like a sincere soul. Really, he often came across as robotic, quick to usher away his clients’ concerns in the means of speeding things along. Which was exactly what he intended to do here.

“Mr. Kyle, I think this is a lot of work to do in your free time. I do. I-It’s a whole lot, and you’re just one man. I’m just one man. I can’t help you, I’m sorry. You realize we couldn’t pay you for your work.”

“I’m not expecting compensation in any form. I promise you, you can let me handle this free of expense. The mayor herself has assigned me to it.”

That wasn’t a lie, but it sure wasn’t reality. Kyle was confident a little dash of confusion would get things moving faster. He was pretty certain the mayor had given Roanus orders to keep Kyle at bay, but that wouldn’t stop him from insisting he had authority. If that didn’t throw Roanus for a loop, he’d have to get creative.

The other man was quiet for a minute; it was the longest he had sat still since Kyle had gotten there. It was a nice little opportunity to close things, and before he could properly answer, Kyle stood from his chair and put on his friendliest smile. 

“Wonderful! I’ll get to work right away. I should be back in a couple days with everything you’ll need, and I’ll call you if I have any questions. Just in case, here’s my number.” Kyle put a card with his name on it right in front of Roanus’s hands; the ones that were clutching the edge of his desk with white knuckles. His face equally as pale.

“That’s everything you’ll need to reach me with. You won’t be disappointed, thank you so much for your time.”

Kyle reached out a hand for him to shake, which he timidly took while looking none the wiser about what was happening.

As a lawyer, Kyle was fantastic at manipulating people. He used it for good, of course, but he knew that didn’t change the principle of the thing.

Roanus uttered a few syllables of protest as Kyle waved himself cheerily out the door. Any further cries silenced after he closed it shut. The happy waves weren’t too much of an act considering he was finally getting his way on something.

Kyle promised himself that this was only the first thing of many to take flight. 

As he walked down the halls, his thoughts inevitably circled around funds to fix the property. Starting with the cracking floor tiles and water damaged ceilings. Kyle remembered hating school personally, despite knowing the importance. He would have much preferred sitting around all day playing Fallout with Stan, Kenny, or Cartman at the time. But to have to suffer through school in a run down rat-way like this would be even worse. The kids shouldn’t have to survive so many atrocities when someone could help it.

 

Kyle did his best to ignore some of the stares he was getting. He never made eye contact in an effort to look neutral. They didn’t know him and he had no reason to believe they would be a problem so long as he kept walking.

Except for Cartman’s ceaseless bickering in the back of his head that they were ALL little problematic backstabbers.

 

He made it out into the parking lot, and a wave of relief washed over him like rain the moment he saw his car was still intact. He checked the wiring to see if it was tampered with at any point and if the windows had been jimmied.

Satisfied that everything was in place, and kind of surprised, Kyle got inside and drove off, watching the school fade away in his rear view mirror.

The next stop on his list would be even less simple than that, if that were possible. The school thing took a bit of his mental power away, but dealing with Cartman was on an entirely different level of brain exhaustion.

 

Kyle couldn’t help noticing how different the line of houses looked in broad daylight. There was nothing preventing a skip and fall down memory lane as he recalled who each house had belonged to, or at least who it was when he was a child. He remembered the walks his little group made everyday as they passed by each house in order to get anywhere. All the colors were the same, and while there were probably new inhabitants, Kyle remembered at least one insane instance inside every one of them. Especially Craig’s.

Cartman’s house was no different, although it used to belong to a couple with a kid he never learned the name of. It was still very much a familiar sight that he recalled marching along its front sidewalk any time he needed to get to downtown.

He parked beside Cartman’s police car towards the end of the driveway. He never knew when he’d need to make a fast getaway. He noticed for the first time how empty the streets were. When he was growing up, this street in particular always had activity outside. It must have to do with the issue of crime rate keeping everyone inside. That’s all he could come up with.

Cartman didn’t bother shoveling his walkway, which Kyle found some annoyance AND amusement in. It wasn’t like him to be so unkept, which only enforced his idea that Cartman was never home.

Kyle shuffled through, wetting the bottom of each pants leg, and knocked on his door. He waited there for several minutes in silence before trying again. There was no sound on the other side, leaving Kyle to search for doorbell somewhere. He didn’t find one.

Kyle warmed his hands together, realizing he’d left his gloves at the hotel. He had a feeling he would be standing out here in the cold long enough to start missing them. He knocked harder, and started calling for Cartman to come down. There was still nothing, no sound of acknowledgement on the other side, and Kyle wondered if he was even home. 

He gave it a few more seconds and then knocked until his knuckles were sore, and tried screaming. Unfortunately to the point that the neighbor came outside and started staring him down. 

Kyle swallowed and smiled sheepishly.  
“Ahh, I’m a friend.” 

The man continued to stare, wrapping his robe a bit tighter. Great....

Kyle was about to call the whole thing a waste of time and just come back later when a light scratching sound came from the bottom of the door. 

It took a moment before Kyle realized it was the cat. The scratching grew louder as sharp little claws began to dig out, catching the wood. 

“Hey! Pss-pss-pss. Hey-“ Kyle tried to egg it on.

The cat responded, meowing back long and loud.

Kyle bit back a grin; he thought cats were the stupidest things. He set his nails on the door and scratched back and forth, making the cat stir and meow a little louder. 

“Pss-pss-“

Suddenly, there was a voice calling out from somewhere deep inside the house.

“Shut up, Gumbo!” 

Kyle’s head jerked up. There was no mistaking Cartman’s screaming when he heard it. He seized the moment to pound hard on the door again.

“Cartman! Open up! Come on!”

He didn’t answer to that, giving Kyle a fresh, new headache.

He glanced over at the neighbor still watching the affair. They apparently had left long enough to come back with lemonade. Kyle shrugged awkwardly and turned back to the sound of almost frantic scratching on the door once more.

“Shut UP!” Cartman screamed again.

“Cartman! Open the DOOR!” 

*There’s no way you can hear that dumb cat and not me....*

Silence followed. Kyle threw his hands up to the sky. He started to turn away and abandon all hope when the sound of footsteps on a stairway and him whipping back on his heels. 

FINALLY.

He listened for Cartman to announce himself again when there was a second of quiet in between.

“Who is it?” Came a groggy voice, followed by a persistent, deep meow.

“Kyle.”

The sound of chains beginning to unbolt was immediate, and the door swung open in a flash. There Cartman stood wrapped in a full size comforter and wearing a frown.

“JESUS,” He clenched his eyes shut.  
“what do you WANT.”

“Can I come in? I need some information.”

“No.”

“But it’s important business.”

“But it’s my house.”

“Cartman, what the hell! I bought you dinner last night!”

“So you want inside my house you creep?!”

“Let-me-in dammit!”

“No!”

Kyle was sure the shuffle of bodies pushing one another was an interesting sight for the neighbor to see, but Kyle was determined and his shoving eventually won out.

He pushed Eric back inside and quickly turned around to slam the door shut. Away from anymore prying eyes interested in Eric’s sudden screaming.

“Cartman, this isn’t a game. I need to know the names of those kids that stole from me. You’ve got time for that right?”

“No, I’ve got time for sleeping! I’m exhausted!” Eric pulled the comforter around his neck. The most Kyle could see of him was his chin up and below his knees.

“It’s your off day, what are you doing sleeping all day?”

 

“What am I...? What kind of idiot are you!”

“What kind of idiot do you think I am? Enlighten me.”

Eric rolled his eyes and bit back a growl.  
“I can’t pretend I didn’t just spend 7 days awake all night, sleeping all day just to magically stay awake because the suns up. It takes a while to adjust to civilian life after a night shift. Ugh- I don’t have to explain any of this to you.” Eric threw his hand up and rubbed his temple.

Kyle instantly regretted yelling. He took a step forward and tried to calm him back down.

“I didn’t think about that. I’m sorry. I just need the names of those people and I’ll leave. Cool?” Kyle shifted his weight nervously, batting the cat that kept clawing his leg for attention away from him.

Eric glared at him, staring him up and down.

“No, not cool. You still woke me up and fucked up my sleep schedule....go to the station if you want their names.”

“Please? You were the one who suggested I sue them.”

“Like you weren’t going to sue them anyway, Kyle.” Eric rolled his eyes perfectly flamboyantly.

“Well after they beat your FACE, I had full fucking intentions to.”

 

Kyle swallowed and relaxed his shoulders. He took a step back when he realized he’d advanced on the smaller boy. He hadn’t meant to, but the wide eyes and tight fists clutching to his covers said Kyle had all the same.

Eric‘s gaze fluttered downwards, his bruises looking even worse than yesterday. Kyle knew that meant they were healing, but they had to be sore. 

 

In his defense of acting so angrily, if Eric had expected him to forget about those kids just because of everything going on with the mayor, then he didn’t know Kyle. He knew that wasn’t the case, because nobody knew Kyle like Eric did. He had to have seen his tall ass coming sooner than later.

Eric looked him over nervously, then ducked his eyes down again, seeming to battle with something.

“Laura Manning and Stella Marks.”

Kyle blinked. “Girls?”

“What does that matter? They can be criminals, too.”

“Yeah it just.....it explains why you got hit. You went easy on them.”

“Pff. Laura is TALLER than me, and the name Stella is in inherently bad bitch material.”

“And you went easy on them.”

“They’re dumb kids.”

“I’m not judging you, Cartman. I was worried some big, muscled punk had you cornered and fighting for your life.”

“Well FUCK, Kahl. What the fuck, I’m not a damsel in distress!”

“What, I don’t want you compromised like that! Some men could really hurt you!”

“Yeah, DUH. YOU could really hurt me for that matter.”

Kyle eased off a bit, looking down at him with worried eyes.

“It’s just the job, Kahl. I HAVE been in that situation before. I knew exactly what to do, and I did what I was trained for, whether people like it or not. Nothing will happen to me I can’t handle.”

Kyle shook his head. It’s like everything with Cartman was a battle to prove himself, and it was totally stupid when it was over life or death.

 

“Why do you always want to do things alone?” Kyle couldn’t keep the waiver from his voice. 

“WHY DO YOU?!”  
Eric was actually pretty surprised Kyle was being so hypocritical now. Did he even KNOW he was doing it?  
“You jumped into a dinner date with the most poisonous snake face in all of South Park, and you didn’t even tell me!”

“Should I have?” Kyle threw his arms up.  
“What would you have done? You wouldn’t have taken me, that’s what. And BECAUSE you did when I DIDN’T tell you, I now have a chance to make my difference in this town.”

 

“I HATE how the differences you try to make ALWAYS work out for you! When I do it it’s........”

Kyle stepped back and stared at him in shock. Eric looked frozen, staring unseeing at the floor.

Kyle unclenched his fists and let his shoulders drop. Truly, he had no idea what was going on inside that jumbled little head, but it made him nervous.

“It’s a-always.....” He tried again. 

His voice sounded choked and the obvious effort to keep back whatever emotion he was clinging to was turning his cheeks red.

He blinked his lashes a few times, trying to focus. Trying to look put together.

Kyle stared solemnly at the shaken boy. Slowly, some dark revelation began to twist inside his gut as he looked at Cartman’s eyes. He knew them. He knew them long before the special victims unit in Maine.

“I killed....”

While Kyle knew what the unveiling was meant to be, it was still horrifically shocking, even unspoken. He didn’t expect Cartman to continue. From the looks of it, he couldn’t.

The brunette looked like he wasn’t quite there. He stared, mouth clenched shut, and eyes pink as something moved inside him, unseen to Kyle. 

Eric was reliving something Kyle couldn’t understand. He remembered with rapt attention details of some a past horror, following every scene that played deep within his subconscious. The look on his face was evident of some sort of brutality and Kyle could only imagine what it was he was remembering.

He didn’t know what he could say at this point, but he felt like he needed to say something. He KNEW he did. He knew he wouldn’t feel right with himself if he didn’t try, so he embraced whatever stupid thing he was going to say and said it anyway.

“It was your job.”

 

And that was HORRIBLY cliche, robotic even. Devoid of any real humanity by chalking up a stolen life to something as mundane as his work. While Eric’s job was anything but that, it didn’t mean that was what he signed up for. It’s not what anyone signs up for, so Kyle tried again. Tried to appeal to the piece of this job Eric did sign for.

“You did it...to save other lives.”

“I had to.” Eric suddenly choked out and bit his lips shut. Kyle could see his eyes glass over, and all he could think was this had to be about the fourth time he’d ever seen Eric as shook up as this. It was incredibly unlike him. Especially when Kyle could recall some pretty horrific incidents cartman had caused.

“They had a gun...aimed at me.” Eric opened his mouth, then closed it to swallow, his throat dry. His eyes look like they stung and not just from his bruises.

“She didn’t shoot it at me, though......”

Kyle put a hand up to stop him. He was only falling deeper down the rabbit hole. He came closer but Eric saw right through him.

“Now two people died in vein-“ Eric slapped a hand over his mouth. 

Kyle flinched when the hand slapped over his split lip. Eric turned away before anything more could come spilling out. He’d kept everything inside so easily when he was around other people, but then Kyle wasn’t around these days. It was easy for him to divulge in a stranger, someone who didn’t know him anymore, and couldn’t judge. Eric wasn’t the same Eric he knew and there was no way for him TO judge.

So now he knew.

Now Eric had to remember again, just when things were becoming easier. 

He turned away, rushing back into his kitchen and yelling for Kyle to “Leave!”.

Everything in Kyle was screaming for him NOT to do that, but the logical part of Kyle, the part that always won out, told him he better. He’d done too much already by barging inside his house and making him remember things. Terrible things.

He noticed the way the little ball of grey fluff bounced behind Eric as it followed him to the kitchen, right on his heels.

 

It made Kyle feel useless leaving him there, but there was literally nothing giving him the right to stay. He locked the inside of the door as he left, closing it and giving it a twist to make sure it wouldn’t open. He turned back and stared out at Cartman’s snow covered lawn. The feeling that he was entirely responsible for what had happened was upon him like a plague.

He came there to get the name of those kids and sue them for what they’d done to Cartman. Yet somehow, he’d only ended up adding extra damage to what he was trying to fix.

Kyle was angry at himself, but it was nothing compared to the worry in his gut.

He felt a sudden burning in his chest as on one hand, he had a lot of work to do with his little school project. It would take more time than anything and he had assured the principal he’d return in only a couple days.

On the other hand..... maybe there were more pressing matters.

Kyle whipped around, a fire rising inside him. He started yelling through Cartman’s door, loud and obnoxious and entirely unnecessarily, but he didn’t care about those things.

“I’ll get those kids, Cartman! I promise, I’ll....I’ll....fix..EVERYTHING!”

He wanted to slap himself afterward, and for a moment, he really considered it. Instead, he pulled his coat tighter around his throat and marched through the snow towards his car. 

He sounded idiotic, and he was being perfectly irrational for letting his emotions dictate him in a case. But Kyle wouldn’t be Kyle if when certain things were important to him he didn’t put a gun to his best friend’s head because of one girl, or get a part of Canada unintentionally bombed via protests. 

Letting the idea that suing two girls for some stealing would make up for Eric’s bruises, or the fact he had had to shoot someone was just as ridiculous as those other things, and possibly right on par with Kyle’s past atrocities. Something crazy would come of this. Something over the top and insane, and totally his fault, again. But Kyle had tunnel vision, and all that mattered was his mission.

 

Eric sat in his kitchen curled up in the layers of his giant comforter with a cat in his lap. He could hear the slam of a car door and presumably Kyle speeding off. He didn’t feel like doing anything about getting back up to his bed and honestly, he didn’t want to sleep with these images fresh in his mind. It’d just mean night terrors.

He did the next best thing he always did and called Butters over. 

Butters was a rare, miracle child. He didn’t keep up with the news or people’s gossip, both having gotten him in trouble plenty of times in his childhood. But he also didn’t make the effort to know. When Eric told him he’d done something bad, he left it up to Butters’ imagination what exactly he’d done. And Butters was just fine with that. In fact, whatever he’d come up with resulted in the same Butters he knew with zero prejudice against him.

He could be pretty creative in what had happened to him, but he didn’t venture to know the truth, and that made life much easier for Eric.

He gave him this place where someone didn’t have to know everything wrong about him, about this one evil thing that haunted the corners of his mind. Butters could still believe whatever it was was horrible and still be there for him.

Butters didn’t take long to show up at his house, bearing his own key to his front door. He came with cat treats, always excited to see Gumbo since his apartment didn’t allow pets, aside from his fish tank. The two had a special bond, and Eric was convinced they talked about him behind his back. 

Butters immediately spotted him on the floor and took his seat beside the little pile of covers huddled against the fridge. He picked a corner up and put it over his lap as he nestled close to his side. Eric just stared across the kitchen, looking forlorn as ever.

“What’s the matter, Eric? You look glummy.”

“I’m not glummy. I’m just tired.” Eric rolled his eyes and pushed Gumbo into his lap. The ball of fur eagerly received his new host and purred a little louder while Butters scratched his belly.

“Well then, why didn’t you go to bed ‘stead of calling me over?”

Eric swallowed. He knew he wasn’t disguising himself well. Butters didn’t stare, though. He didn’t need to.

“I’m really just tired.” His voice cracked and his eyes watered.

 

It wasn’t a lie.

 

“Let’s go to the couch then. We’ll watch tv ‘til you can sleep better.” Butters knew it wasn’t that kind of tired, but they both knew how Eric preferred to play this little games.

Eric let him drag him into the living room and sit him on the couch. Butters shuffled Gumbo into his lap once he was situated and went to get a glass of water. They watched tv until it was dark outside. Butters didn’t like to go off until he was sure Eric could be left on his own again.

Eric always wanted his space back after he’d spilled his guts. That always worked just fine for Butters, but tonight in particular, he was itching to get out and see what Kenny had been blowing up his phone for over the last 5 hours.

Gumbo was unmovable at this point, nestled between Eric’s legs as he lay sprawled out on the couch, effectively kicking Butters’ back multiple times off his sliver of cushion. He went into the kitchen to check his messages, able to read them now without Eric twisting and turning restlessly behind him.

He had 34 text message and 2 missed calls from Ken. Butters had been able to text back him once before Eric demanded some popcorn.

 

Ken: Leo u busy?

:I’m with Eric

Ken: ths is mor important!!!  
Ken: Text me back.  
Ken: You won’t BLV wut happend  
Ken: Leo its beautiful!

Butters checked the times in between each message, raising a brow when he realized the texting had turned into desperate little ‘text me!’s.

Ken was never so persistent, and if he was, he always just came over to Eric or Butters and got him himself. Whatever it was, it couldn’t have been that important if it wasn’t worth leaving to find him.

Butters poked his head out the kitchen to check if Eric was still asleep. He was, legs spread and the giant blanket thrown to the floor.

 

He didn’t want to risk calling and waking him up, and he always like to hang around a bit after Eric fell asleep to make sure he didn’t wake up lonely. There’d been....incidents of that.

He texted Kenny that he was there and within seconds, he responded.

Ken: Butters, guess what Kyle did X,D

The blonde boy stared at his phone, one eye scarred and a bit blurrier in vision. He knew Kyle had come home, but he couldn’t imagine Kyle doing anything to garner Kenny’s amusement in such an obviously mischievous way. Whatever it was he supposedly ‘did’, it couldn’t be good.

:I give, Ken. What’d he do?

Ken: Can you meet us somewhere?

Butters tilted his head. Kenny didn’t have some deep love for surprises, so why the suspense?

:Sure, I’m not busy anymore.

Ken: Come to Lowrie Strt :D

Butters stared..... 

:Where on Lowrie Strt? Nicole’s coffee shop.

Ken: No just Lowrie Strt. You’ll see us.

There was no doubt this would be the most excitement they’d had in this town that wasn’t a stabbing in a long time. Part of him almost wanted to lock every door and window in Eric’s house and stay 1000 feet away from the trouble that was no doubt stirring thanks to Kyle. And possibly Kenny. It was just like days passed, days he was so sure this town had outgrown, but how could it when one of its key rebels was back to stir the pot.

He braced himself, found his coat on the kitchen table, and pat Gumbo’s head on his way out the door. He didn’t have a car due to....circumstances. So he began the cold walk to Lowrie Street to see who and what had gotten fucked up now.


	6. Zero foresight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyle thinks he can solve Eric’s problems if he were just a little closer.

Butters found Kenny off of Lowrie Street, standing outside the mayor’s office. It was 8 pm and the stars were just beginning to come out.

He had Stan with him, waiting on the steps of city hall. It was relatively dead outside as the street adjacent to this one was the one with all the bars and night clubs. All the nighttime inhabitants would be that way.

Stan sat near Kenny’s legs while the blonde leaned against one of the giant marble flower pots put there for decoration. He didn’t turn towards Butters footsteps as they approached; just kept his eyes glued to the large double doors. 

 

“You could have just told me to come to City Hall.” Butters said coming closer.

“No theatre in that.”

“Since when do you care about theatre, Ken?”

“Since I got such a nice show to watch.”  
He looked at Stan with a grin almost cat like. Stan grimaced back.

That piqued Butters interest. He’d been eager to hear what was happening since Kenny had gotten him riled up with all that texting. What was even more interesting was the place he’d been summoned to.

“So what’s happening? It sounds like a good time if you two are sitting out here.”

“I’m here for support.” Stan insisted.

“For Kenny?”

“For Kyle.....” Stan muttered as he dropped his head into his hands.

Butters stared at him a bit worried, then turned to Ken.   
“So you said Kyle’s done somethin’? Sounds serious.”

“Yeah, it is. Entertaining too, though.” Kenny forced his fingers to remain in his pockets. He’d just kicked his nicotine habit but the muscle memory to hold a cigarette was still very much there.

“Well c’mon fellas! How long you gonna keep me waiting!”

“Butters, if Kyle doesn’t get kicked out of those doors in 5 more minutes, I promise I’ll tell you everything I know. I rather hear him tell us all with his face in the snow.”

“That’s really harsh Kenny.” Stan’s voice was riddled with worry and Kenny seemed to be making it worse.

“Hey, I TOLD him not to go in there. I TOLD him. Just once I want Mr. Goody to see how hopeless everything is. I mean, you think it is, too, Stan.”

“Yeah, but I still have to support him. I don’t want him falling on his face, figuratively and literally, just because he’s hard headed.”

Butters looked between the two. Honestly, he knew Kyle pretty well, so if he had to guess based on their conversation, he’d bet Kyle came marching into the mayor’s office one minute before lock up and demanding to be seen. Most likely about the latest town crisis. Most true to Kyle fashion, he’d be standing there EXPECTING results -Arms crossed and scowling as if he were entitled to it.

The way things were going after another 10 minutes passed by, Butters could only assume he was getting his way, too.

They waited in silence as the minutes ticked on. Occasionally Kenny would shake his head in disbelief. If things had been going poorly, he would have been kicked out by now.

Stan bounced his leg nervously. He kept the nail of his thumb wedged beneath his front teeth, staring straight ahead. He tried counting the leaves on the foliage display in the front of the courthouse to focus on something other than Kyle, but he looked stiff as a board. Butters could imagine why; Stan always did worry the most when it came to Kyle.

Butters waited patiently with them, but he was becoming desperate to know what Kyle was up to in there. Also, why Kenny was so interested. 

Suddenly, one of the double doors swung open and Kyle stepped out, fixing the cuff of his coat sleeve.

Kenny and Stan were jumping down his throat the second he had a foot out the door.

“Did they kick you out!”  
“Please tell me you aren’t going to jail.”  
“Are you getting banned?”  
“A banning will follow you forever.”  
“Did you get threatened?”  
“Kyle, this was your worst idea YET.”

He fixed them both with an even stare, eyes darting over to Butters standing a few feet back looking equally as curious.

“No...to all of that.” 

“Dang it.” Kenny slouched. “Just once you need your ass handed to you.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, but it was the first time in years Butters had seen a playful look on Kyle’s face. Honestly, anything other than anger or outrage looked foreign on him considering how he spent his teen years in South Park.

“You were SO happy to see me a week ago, Kenny. What happened? Is this a show for Stan and Butters?”

“Was marching in there a show for Cartman?”

“Cartman’s not HERE. And he doesn’t know what I just did.”

“You know he’d be pissed if he did.” Kenny grinned.   
“Honestly, Kyle. It’s like you think he’s an incapable child sometimes.”

“He is.”

“No he’s not.” Stan said sternly. 

Butters looked between the three of them in total bewilderment. Despite being an active part of this group since childhood, without Eric present, the other three tended to ignore him. They were a different kind. 

“I didn’t DO this for Cartman.”

“The FIRST thing you said on the phone was, ‘Cartman needs someone to check on him soon.’ That’s suspicious.”

“He DID. You said Butters was handling it.”

“Uh, yeah.” Butters started fiddling with his hands.   
“Eric actually called me over. I just came from his house, actually.” He wondered even MORE what this was about now. Had Kyle been with Eric today? Hell, this was the first time Butters had even seen Kyle in years and their first encounter was already involving Eric.

“But why is Kyle Brovflovski calling me about babysitting Eric Cartman while he’s flooring it to the mayor’s office in the FIRST place?” Kenny looked at him expectantly, grin returning.

The only reason Kenny saw Kyle racing to city hall was because he was on his way to work, WHICH he was late for. Kyle found his opportunity to diffuse things.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be? I didn’t ask you to stay.”

“But you needed someone to talk you out of this. The mayor’s dangerous.”

“GOD, you’re just like Cartman. And why’d you bring Stan into this.”

“Trust me Kyle, I’d want to know. We made a pact we’d call each other if you joined Antifa again or you did something you could get jail time for. Everything else, there’s just no stopping you.”

“Good LORD.” Kyle rolled his eyes in disbelief. As if he needed them parenting his bad choices. His eyes landed on Kenny’s smug little face.  
“And what’s under that oversized jacket, Kenny.”

“Hey!....It’s a night job.” The blonde pulled his jacket tighter.

Kyle’s head was swimming with so many implications.  
“Kenny, I swear to GOD...”

“It’s alright dude.” Stan held his hand up to assure him as best he could.  
“I’m looking out for Kenny so you don’t worry about him. Ken, you should go to work. I’ll walk you there. Kyle,” Stan turned towards his best friend and latched a hand over each of his shoulders.   
“Go. Home.” 

Stan started leading Kenny away from the scene.  
“Wait, wait, wait!” Kenny threw his hands.  
“I want to know what the mayor said!”

All eyes turned back to Kyle who looked incredibly uneasy.  
“I can’t discuss that at this time.”

“Kyle-“

“I just can’t! Look, I promise you’ll be the first to know once she’s given me an answer. I have to keep my mouth shut until then, or she might completely forfeit my proposal.”

“But what did you propose?” Butters squeaked as Stan shooed him and Kenny off the stairs. Stan often found the best way to deal with the impending insanity around him was to pack his bags and book it. It always came full circle anyway. That was the last Butters would see of Kyle for a bit.

 

Stan walked Kenny the next street over to his work.

Butters trailed behind more confused than ever. Why call him out there if they weren’t even going to tell him what that was all about? While Kenny had looked pretty confident Kyle would come falling out the doors on his ass, Butters wasn’t as surprised that’s not what happened. Kyle got what he wanted pretty often.

Either way, Butters was starting to think that Kenny and Stan didn’t known what Kyle was up to either. The only thing that seemed apparent was that Kyle was making bad decisions by busting into the mayor’s office.

“What was all that about you and Kyle putting on a show for me and Cartman?” Stan muttered in Kenny’s ear.

“I was hoping to get his goat. Maybe piss him off by using his favorite punching bag. Especially since this whole thing started ‘cause of Cartman. It just seemed to startle more than anything though, did you see that?”

“Dude, I try not to think about anything with him and Cartman. I was so ready for us to just be over their stupid feuding by the time we turned 16. How can they still have so many issues?”

“No, no, I mean, he didn’t look OFFENDED. DID he?” Kenny nudged him.

“Yes he did.” Stan said quickly. “To me.”

“Uh-huh, sure. Why can’t you ever just read into things. I think you choose to be oblivious.”

“I don’t CHOOSE it....But I’m not trying to fix it.”

 

“I’m with Kenny.” Butters chirped from behind them. They had forgotten he was back there.  
“I think Kyle looked surprised if anything. Maybe a bit defensive, too.”

Stan briefly turned his head towards Butters.  
“Kyle is ALWAYS defending his actions. Always justifying whatever he’s doing. It doesn’t matter how insane it probably is.”

“Sounds like he’s defending Eric’s actions, actually.” Kenny mumbled.

“I told you I don’t want to think about that!” 

 

Stan got Kenny to work safely and stuck around to see the night life.

Butters thought the whole ordeal was senseless. Stan and Ken had been in on some inside joke at Kyle’s expense while Butters had learned nothing. 

Except that Kyle was acting just as weird about Cartman as he always had. He sort of expected that if Kyle was back in town, he’d be too posh to talk to anybody from all that time in law school, much less bother with Eric Cartman. But then that would be unrealistic. If you were one of the kids who grew up with them, it’d be sort of crazy to expect them to just be chill about each other for 5 seconds -no matter how old they were.

Kyle was definitely acting on impulse here, whatever he was doing, but it’d be hard for Butters to be as involved as he’d like. He stayed busy between his job as a teller, which could be pending thanks to his boss, Eric, and his parents. His parents had remained as such an overbearing presence in his life, he just couldn’t seem to escape. 

He stayed away from the night life Stan seemed to enjoy, getting his fill of craziness between life’s everyday hardships. Instead, he usually went to sleep around 9 and tonight was no different. He went straight home and got ready for bed.

He got a text from Eric, as per usual, just as he was settling into bed. It was asking if he had talked to Kenny about being with him earlier, probably from when Kenny asked if Eric needed company. Because Kyle had told Kenny to....

Butters assured him Ken knew he had been there and ignored the series of questions popping up over why Kenny asked in the first place.

Too much explaining, and too much Kyle. 

Butters promised him the next morning that he’d be by later when he was off of work. 

He dreaded that place now. It was such a great job at first and very well paying. His mother had gotten him into it by talking the manager up about Butters’ ‘outstanding work ethics’. Butters was obliged to say he did have those, in fact, butters was by nature a ‘worker ant’. It was surprising his mother knew this, though, as he’d never talked to her about jobs before.

Especially since he hadn’t told her WHY he wanted to work so badly. It was no doubt obvious by the time he’d gotten enough money to move out and cut ties with his parents for a year.

So it was true, Butters was eager to please, like some deep little honing device in his brain was in there sending out signals to obey. There was this desire to fulfill people’s expectations of him, a desire to be thought highly of. He liked pleasing people and he felt a sense of wholeness when he could not only do what was demanded of him, but could manage going the extra mile for that extra bit of appreciation. It surely stemmed from some dark childhood trauma; most likely the need to keep his father happy with him. Regardless, it was in him and desired the attention, especially when it came to his boss’s approval. 

That would all be fine, just fine, if his boss hadn’t changed so much.

 

He didn’t know why he had changed or if he just hadn’t realized the kind of person the man was until it was too late. 

The bank opened up a block down from Lowrie street, after the mayor had arrived and started making changes. The bank was one of them, and the man she left in charge was surprisingly familiar with the new mayor. Butters had to wonder if his boss had known her from somewhere before and just what kind of relationship they might have.

A year after the new school was built, it became crystal clear.

His boss, Mr. Jonas, was an entirely different level of under handed. The likes of which Butters had never seen before. Well....he didn’t count the vile things Cartman and the other kids had done when they were children. They were different people now and at least they had all grown out of that horrendous behavior. Especially Cartman- not that he had had a choice.

Mr. Jonas, however, was a man in his 40s and very obviously not about to slow down or consider his atrocities, which there were plenty of.

Butters remembered the first time Mr. Jonas pocketed money out of a bank account. It would have been far less detectable if he had taken from the banks general currency, but he had brazenly chosen one independent account. The reason was that the account owner was an older man with poor hearing, no family outside of a nursing aid, and unfortunately, a few too many debts. Money like that was easily stolen and that’s exactly what Mr. Jonas did. He managed to do it and get off scott free.

It wasn’t like Butters was quiet about it or turned a blind eye. No, he had a LOT to say about the first incident. Yet to his surprise, nobody else did. He hadn’t seen the old man in a very long time, and it was possible Butters wouldn’t ever again given his age and lifestyle. He dropped it after that.

 

The second time Butters decided he might be in over his head there , was when Mr. Jonas directed funding from a charity organization investing at the bank into another account. Butters didn’t have the slightest clue who Ralph Seamers was, and he didn’t care. Who ever it was, they were bad news and Mr. Jonas was even worse. 

Still, nothing came of Butters protests and attempts to expose him. 

 

Once Butters wrote an anonymous paper to the mayor after his guilty conscience had told him to try and do something again. He didn’t know who got that paper or what they chose to do with it. He only hoped it hadn’t found the right person, rather than the right person making wrong decisions with it. If he applied Eric’s logic, than he couldn’t really trust anyone inside that office to do the right thing.

After the second incident a few months after the first, it was about that time that Butters, and everyone else in South Park, had realized the town had gone to hell. On one side there was a school with zero standards, failed living conditions, and morally bad inhabitants. On the other, the mayor resided in her office acting as if nothing was happening and people weren’t committing felonies once a week. Then somewhere far, far, out was a beautiful, untouched place with pretty, pristine people. Which is where Mr. Jonas lived, away from the filth -aside from his own.

 

It wasn’t likely anything would come of Mr. Jonas’ horrid actions and Butters was learning he’d just have to live with that knowledge. Except finally, Jonas went too far.

Butters was facing the possibility of losing his job now because SOMEBODY had lost 10,000 dollars. An Astronomical amount of money, and even worse, it had come straight out of none other than the Black’s savings account. 

Token and his parents didn’t buy for a second that Butters had stolen the money, though it definitely helped his case that he hadn’t been there on the day in question. Mr. Jonas’ excuses didn’t add up as he tried desperately to write away that Butters had actually misplaced the money a few days earlier, and it just hadn’t processed through.

Seething didn’t even begin to cover it, and Butters was thankful the Black’s weren’t turning their gaze on him.

Despite the fact they believed Butters had no hand in it, it wouldn’t matter if it came down to him or Jonas. Who would choose him over the snazzy bank owner probably ‘in it’ with the city’s mayor? Butters would face the penalties and he’d face them pretty hard.

All of that madness only happened a few days ago, and as he made it through the work day unscathed, he decided that it was finally time to try again. Jonas went to far with the Blacks and butters needed to at least try to do something.

If Kyle was back in town demanding retribution AND getting it, then Butters should, too.

The walk to Eric’s house was cold as it always was, but thankfully free of new snow. The bank had taken Butters car earlier that year, and he was too scared at the time to put up a good fight for it. He’d just let it happen and kept his head down.

 

Eric greeted him for once looking chipper. Butters figured he had probably just needed some sleep. The taller boy immediately seized the opportunity to tell Eric what had happened. Eric had been working night shifts between the time it all transpired, and last night he was way too out of it to hear about Butters problems.

 

Eric gave him this deadpanned look when he finished.  
“I’m not surprised.”

“I know, but I thought you’d at leas’ pretend to be. It’s not my fault.”

“I TOLD you Jonas was a snake.”

“I already knew! What was I suppose’ to do?”

“Take your cute little accent elsewhere and earn $20 the famous way.”

“You’re makin’ fun of me. After all I did for you last night.”   
Butters feigned insult. It took him well into his teenage years, but he had learned not to take Eric seriously all the time, or imagine he knew what the fuck he was saying half the time.

“Chill out. Come inside and we’ll get my computer- see what we can figure out.”

 

Butters skipped inside while Eric looked the door. Gumbo desperately tried to rub against Butters’ skipping legs. He practically bolted him down to the sofa with his fat little body as he pounced into his lap. He made a ‘thud’ when he landed and immediately stretched himself over the lap. 

Butters eyed the absolutely destroyed pack of zebra cakes laying on the coffee table. It was one of Eric’s more serious comfort foods, and Butters fought the urge to ask if Eric had had some rotten company before him yesterday. That, or he had gotten some depressing news throughout the night, which was equally likely with his job.

Eric took a seat beside him and set his computer up. He clicked away on the keyboard as Butters watched. He’d become familiar with the weird screens as Eric had used it around him enough times.

He could see that Eric was trying to figure out some information on the type of lawsuit Butters could catch him with and whether it would fly in court. And by that, he meant whether it would fly in THEIR shady, broken court system. If they didn’t like what they were hearing, they wouldn’t acknowledge it. The problem was that if would all require a lot of proof; solid proof.

Eric stared at his screen in silence for a while. It didn’t look like there was much going to work in Butters’ favor. He stopped reading turned to Butters with a scowl. He wasn’t prepared for anything Eric was going to say at that point.

“Butters....you need to get me your boss’s information.”

This was why.

“Uh, his, his what??”

“Account information. We need proof he put the Black’s money in his account.”

“Well I don’t know if he did. I jus’ know that 10,000 went missing. He could have moved it somewhere else.....you mean hack his account!”

Eric made a face and chose not to answer the more serious question.  
“There’s only so much I can do with this computer, Butters. Think hard, where would he have put it? Another organization? A friend?”

“Well, I don’t know! He’s done this before and I’ve seen him shake hands with lots of shifty looking people. I don’t know any of them.”

Eric tapped his chin with a finger. 

“...... Sometimes I wonder what kind of connections the mayor has outside of South Park.”

“Your mayor paranoia is comin’ out again.”

“It’s not paranoia. You believe she’s a detrimental snake, too.”

“BECAUSE of you, Eric. Yer always sayin’ how she’s up to no good. Well how do I know yer not crazy.”

“You think Jonas is this free little rabbit, hopping through the crime forest free of charge and you don’t think the mayor is involved?”

“To be fair, you never tell me what the mayor talks to you about.”

Eric immediately fell silent, eyes fixing on the coffee table.

“And I’m not gonna ask.” Butters clapped a hand over his shoulder.  
“I just worry that maybe it’s you who keeps getting involved with bad things around here. I think you look for trouble.”

No, Eric USED to. 

The mayor had straightened his tail out shortly after a few months on the force. She didn’t get on to him for being one of the rowdier officers. She didn’t care that his methods were extreme. She only cared when he started to care and finally took a look around at the bigger picture. Bravdo and self-indulgence long forgotten, Eric found out first hand the horrors the mayor was capable of. Everybody on the force did.

It wasn’t until that detail a few months ago where he showed up a shooting and lost Brody that he realized every bit of uneasiness he had was replaced with complete realization. And DISGUST. 

He saw through her now like never before, and honestly, he was already pretty fucked up the few months before officer Brody when Jimmy lost some of his rights because of her.

In fact, he was sick for a week afterward, unable to tell his friend what he knew at the time. He was walking on thin ice now and he feared he may never tell Jimmy the truth about what happened. Unless the mayor was finally putting Eric in jail sometime soon. Eric would scream it out for the reporters to hear on his way to lockup. That was just a failsafe he hoped he wouldn’t have to use.

“You need a lawyer. Someone who can prove what’s been happening to you better than I can. I’m a cop, I can’t get the information you need to prove yourself with.”

“Eric don’t say that! You know the L word is almost as taboo as cunt!”

“JESUS, Butters.”

“Well it’s true! You KNOW lawyers aren’t welcome aroun’ here. Well, not since Gerald-“ 

“Ok, now THAT is a taboo word. Relax, I know the perfect guy, ok? He can give us information at the VERY least.”

“You’re talkin’ about Kyle. I wouldn’t be too sure.”

“What? What do you mean?” Eric’s head snapped up, causing Gumbo look alarmed as well. They stared up at Butters.

“Well....Stan seems to think Kyle is gonna go to jail. At least that’s what he asked him when he came out of City Hall last night.”

“City Hall?!”

“The mayor’s office.”

“Last night?!”

Butters nodded.

“What was he doing there!?”

“Gee, Eric I don’t know.” Butters stroked Gumbo’s head, trying to calm him while his owner anxiously bounced around the couch.  
“He said he couldn’t talk about anything until the mayor had given her approval on sumthin’. I don’t even know what he was there for. Kenny seemed to-“

Eric was skittering over to the nightstand at the end of the sofa and reaching for his phone. He snatched it up and knocked the air out of his lungs as he stretched across the arm rest.

He furiously started typing, no doubt asking Kenny what Butters was talking about. It did make Butters wonder, though, just what he’d been missing since Kyle had returned. Eric seemed DEEPLY invested in what was happening to Kyle. It didn’t faze him too much since Eric and Kyle had always been pretty hooked on each other, though he was curious what kind of issues they could still have after so many years apart.

He remembered Eric punching his fists into bloody knuckles over a sidewalk the night Kyle ditched their little town for bigger and better. What that was about, Butters could only imagine, but he never asked. He was sure whatever was happening now might soon be revisiting that.

Eric’s screen lit up seconds later and he held it up too close to his face. More typing and worried looks and soon Eric was sinking back into the sofa and doing his breathing exercises.

“I haven’t seen you this worked up in a long time, Eric. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Kenny doesn’t know either.” Eric threw his hands up.  
“I don’t know what’s happening anymore... how am I supposed to protect and serve....”

“Well, gee, just relax. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I KNOW it would be if KYLE just kept to himself for once!”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Because HE cares so much! He can’t leave anything alone. It’s gonna really fuck him up this time, Butters.”

Butters resisted asking AGAIN WHY that mattered. Kyle caring too much about something didn’t explain Eric caring at all about Kyle. If Kyle cared about something when they were kids, Eric pretended to start caring and eventually get close enough to annihilate Kyle’s endeavors. It was never a thing good when Cartman was interested. Never.

He never just cared because he cared. He cared because he liked Kyle’s chaos and wanted to add his own.

“....how ‘bout we go get dinner somewhere?” Butters tried to shed some light on Eric’s anxiety.

“No, I don’t feel like it, Butters. Sorry, but thanks.”

“You just want me to leave you alone for a bit?”

“Yeah....let me just... pet fatty cakes over here and....breathe.”

“Ok, Eric...” Butters eyed him nervously. Like last night, he didn’t like to leave him when Eric was upset like this.  
“But this is your first weekend in a long time. Don’t let Kyle ruin it for you.”

“Pff. As if he’s that special.” Eric turned over and scooped Gumbo off Butters’ lap before he could say anything to testify against that. 

“Hey, fatty cakes.” Eric held the plush of fur like a child close to his chest. Gumbo let out a long, irritated meow and settled into the comfort of Eric’s arms. 

Butters didn’t protest any further. He told Eric goodbye and left him alone. He could get moody real quick when he didn’t have his way.

Butters spent that night and the few that followed lying awake in bed, thinking about his job. About the Black’s missing money. About the mayor and Mr. Jonas.

He preformed at work as well as he could and for two entire weeks, there was nothing coming back on Butters about the missing money or the possibility of being fired. There was nothing. 

Mr. Jonas, as always, acted as if nothing was wrong. He didn’t speak to Butters any differently, the brazen asshole, and he didn’t mention it again.

For two weeks.

Butters figured this was like the previous incidents where everyone just let his offenses slide and pretended not to know. It would just be something that nobody mentioned until the next crisis at work sprung up and Butters would be doing at all over again. Quite literally, probably, as this was by far the most money Jonas had tampered with and was growing more bold each time. Butters WOULD lose his job next time.

He was ready to give up since it looked like he was in the clear for now. One more week and Christmas would be here, then nobody would be worrying about that missing money.

Except the Blacks......

It wasn’t until Mr. Black called him up one morning and requested to talk that a fresh kindle of worry lighted in Butters’ gut. His anxiety had him thinking that the Blacks had possibly decided retribution, in any form from anyone, would do at this point if it meant they could get their money back.

He agreed to meet, of course, and the next day there was a knock on his door at 8 in the morning. Butters prepared for the worst.

Token’s family was one of the most reasonable in town, and especially well mannered. This talk wouldn’t be a threatening one, though it could be possibly condescending if Mr. Black was there to convince Butters he owed him his missing 10,000. Even when it wasn’t his fault.

Butters opened his door to welcome him inside. He wore a smile as he always did, even while looking certain doom its open mouth, and hoped that maybe simple pleasantries could keep the visit civil.

What he saw when he opened the door was surprising, but not exactly unwelcome. It certainly looked to be in his favor, in fact.

“Stotch, can we come in? My client and I need to ask you some questions.” Kyle had a hand on the frame of his door, looking suspiciously exhausted.

“Well Sure.....is the Stotch part necessary?”

“No. It’s more like a formality, a way to say I’m here to talk business.” Kyle briefly looked over his shoulder at Mr. Black.  
“But I’m sure you gathered that.”

Butters nodded slowly and then stepped aside for them to come through.

It was snowing outside and despite Butters being able to afford heat this month, Kyle didn’t take off his black ushanka or scarf once they were inside.

Butters kept them in the living room rather than the kitchen, feeling more comfortable there. They all found a seat and Butters looked between the two of them eagerly, fidgeting with his nails.

“I know what this is about, fellas, but I’ll let you talk first.”

“Ok.” Kyle stretched his legs out and sat forward on the couch. He gave Butters a firm look.  
“Did you tamper with Mr. Black’s bank account.”

“No.”

“That’s what he thinks, too.” Kyle nodded at Mr. Black.

Butters turned to look at the man wrapped in a sweater and gloves. He gave Butters a reassuring nod and that instantly put the blonde boy’s heart at ease. He didn’t want his friend and his family having foul feelings towards him.

“Do you know who did?” Kyle brought his attention back over to him, though Butters wasn’t eager to answer that question.

“Yeah, Uh....it was my boss.”

“Did you see him?”

“Well no, Uh, I wasn’t there that day. He tried to say it was me, but you can’t forge the computer’s time and date tracker.”

“The date and time is on the transaction for the $10,000 withdrawal?”

“Um....yes.”

“It’s not a trick question, I just have to be clear. How do you know it wasn’t one of your coworkers?”

“I don’t....I’ve just seen my boss do stuff like this before.”

Kyle kept a straight face the whole time, all emotion devoid from his voice. Butters supposed it was easier that way.  
“Really? Can you recount those other instances to me?”

The blonde boy looked between the two men sitting on opposite sides of the room. Neither looked threatening, but Butters was all the same nervous to explain.

“Well, he....” Butters sat up straighter and folded his hands together.   
“Once he moved money out of a charity account. I saw that.”

“You saw him. Did he see you?”

“Well yeah, but he didn’t care. There was another time before that one and....I guess he knew I wasn’t a threat.”

“Mmm, We’ll get to that in a minute. What did he do with the money when he took it from the charity.”

“He moved it to someone else’s account.”

“One person or a company?”

“Yeah, er , i mean, one person.”

“Do you know who?”

“Just their name, Ralph Seamers. That’s all I know about that.”

 

Kyle nodded and then pulled his phone out. He typed a few lines into his personal notes and closed it shut again.

“You said there was another instance?”

“Yeah.”

“Tell me about that, please.”

“He um, well, he stole money from an elderly man. He kept the money for himself. I saw that time, too. We haven’t seen that old man in a long time.” Butters suddenly looked burdened.

Kyle’s eyes skimmed over to Mr. Black who looked equally as concerned. This man, Jonas, had an extreme lack of empathy to the point Kyle thought he was sick. He began to type a few things into his phone again.

“Oh and he took my car when I missed my payment date on a loan.”

Kyle stopped typing and looked over.

“Oh, had you made a contract?”

“No. I didn’t think to.”

“....He’s the bank owner, he had to approve you for the loan. That means paperwork.”

“Well it was such a small loan, he told me not to bother. I knew it wasn’t our policy, but how do you argue with the boss? I’m not the loaning department, anyway.” Butters shrugged awkwardly. He knew Kyle was right but when Mr. Jonas threatened to keep the loan from him, Butters was ready to agree to anything.

Kyle put his chin in his hand, looking perplexed as ever.  
“How much was the loan for?”

“$300. I needed some extra money to pay rent that month.”

“$300 and for a personal loan? Butters, they can’t seize your car like that.”

“Well what can I do? How can I prove that?”

“Firstly, a contract establishes when you have to pay by. Whether it’s one day after due date, or all the way to 30 days. How does he know you were late on a payment if you didn’t write a date up? SECONDLY, you said this was a personal loan, not a car loan.”

“Well, gee.” Butters stared at his hands shamefully.   
“I guess I should have looked in to that.”

“Yes, definitely so. Have you filed a lawsuit?”

“Well...can I? It happened earlier this year, so...”

“Yes absolutely, you’re still in the time slot if that’s what you’re worried about.” Kyle scoffed, but it wasn’t maliciously. More like in disbelief at the lengths this man was willing to risk.  
“You need to get your car back and you can probably get money for emotional distress. Probably. If the judge is a hard case than they’ll only see it as your fault for not doing your research. But you never know how a judge is feeling that day. You’ll get your car back no matter what.”

Butters stared at him a while as Kyle went back to typing in his phone. He wanted to believe what Kyle was saying but he had no worldly idea how to go about it.

“Well uh....could you help me with that Kyle?”   
It was a stretch asking him, but he recalled the way Eric immediately offered Butters Kyle’s services. He hadn’t given it a second thought BUT.......maybe that was just because Kyle was the only lawyer in town that wasn’t the mayor’s. 

“Of course. Easily.”  
Kyle pointed a slender finger at Mr. Black.   
“But you first.”

Kyle stood from Butters sofa and the other two followed suit.  
“We’ve got everything we need, thank you for seeing us. I’m sure you realize how unconventional a lawyer showing up at your house is, so we appreciate your cooperation.”

“Yes thank you.” Mr. Black added quickly. He hadn’t said anything since they’d arrived but Butters figured the talking was what he was paying Kyle for.

Which is where things got very interesting because KYLE was not a South Park lawyer.

“Uhh, Kyle. Can I talk to you in private for a second?” Butters fidgeted with his fingers.

Kyle glanced over at his client and waited to receive a nod.  
“I’ll only be a minute, Mr. Black.”

The man waved them off good naturedly and watched the them disappear into the kitchen.

Butters turned on him as soon as they were out of ear shot.

“Kyle, what’s been going on with you? I haven’t seen you in weeks, not since city hall that night. Well I hadn’t seen you for years before that. But now you’re walkin’ around South Park picking up cases?...... that’s what you call it, right? You call it cases?”

Kyle nodded, eyes rolling.  
“Yes, Butters. That’s what we call it.”

“Well what gives!? I’m not too stupid. Cases are for-“

“I got a job here.” Kyle suddenly blurted. There was no point dragging this out and he wasn’t about to look unprofessional with his paying customer waiting on him in the next room.

Butters went wide eyed.

There hadn’t been an independent lawyer here, outside the mayor’s circle of people, since Kyle’s father had sued half the town for owing him money in the middle of an epic economic plunge. 

 

For people like Kenny’s dad, it meant his wife wouldn’t get the medical help she needed, and neither would he. As was evident by Carol McCormick’s death.

Some of the folks’ counter lawsuits on the Brovflovski residence was equal punishment. Sheila was only thriving on her own since Gerald had taken all of that mess with him when he left. But it had still sullied their name and made Kyle a target.

 

Butters couldn’t believe he was standing here now telling him the very thing that drove him out of town all those years ago was the thing he had suckered down a job in. He looked so calm about it, too!

 

All Butters could think of was a certain someone’s worried face and anxious typing two weeks ago.  
“.....Does Eric know?”

“WHY does everyone bring him up!? No he doesn’t know. And it DOESN’T matter.” Kyle had to stop himself from screaming.

Butters gawked.  
“Ooh, there is way more to this story than possibly I can imagine.”

“No, no there’s not! I realized I was going to be here longer than I intended to, so I needed to get stable while I’m here. I can do more good this way, anyway.”

“Do more good? Is that what you’re here in South Park for, Kyle? Oh there is WAY more to this story than I could EVER imagine.” Butters repeated and Kyle did NOT like his tone.

With that said, he whipped around and walked back out of the kitchen, gesturing for Mr. Black to leave with him. He ushered them through the door and Kyle took a moment to address Butters before he was gone.

“I’ll call you when my services are available again.” 

Then he slammed the door, whether meaning to or not, and left Butters to stare mesmerized at the spot in the kitchen Kyle had been standing.

This....was...WAY too good NOT to tell Eric!

He rushed over to his phone and began furiously dialing Eric’s cellphone.

He picked up by the last ring with a voice rough like sandpaper.

 

“Butters, what do you want?”

“Kyle’s got a job here!”

“That’s great.” Eric ground out. He obviously wasn’t hearing him.

“As a LAWYER! In SOUTH PARK!”

“Ok Butters, that’s fascinating. I have to go.”

“You alright?”

“UGHHHH GOD. NO. There’s mace in my throat. UGHHH. Donahue can’t aim dammit. WAIT, KYLE’S OUR NEW LAWYER?!?!!”

“Y-Yeah. Uh, he just left. Had a client with him and everythin’. He said he’s gonna help me with my bank problems, too. Well, when he gets done with this one. You remember me telling you about Token Black getting stolen from?”

“Oh fucking- KYLE is our lawyer?!?! Is THAT what he was doing at City Hall?!”

“You sound mad....”

“Dammit it’s the MACE!” 

Eric hung the phone up before Butters could say goodbye.

Eric was ready to arrest a jaywalker he was so pissed, but thats not how this worked. He would just have to keep his anger under control.

Kyle just didn’t seem to understand what sort of travesties he kept throwing himself into. If he was the new lawyer, Kyle would be working way too close to the mayor for his liking. 

And too close to Eric, too, for that matter. Eric spent a lot of daylight in a court room explaining his tickets to a judge. Kyle and him would be crossing paths like wind over water. ALL.THE. TIME.

Eric supposed it wasn’t too late to try to get through to him what a bad idea this was. Although that had been proven to be impossible most of the time when you considered their childhood.

He had to try to talk Kyle out of this garbage fire while he was still pure and redeemable.

Eric sent Kenny a message asking for Kyle’s phone number.

He responded quickly with a kiss emoji, making a very annoying implication with it. 

Eric typed out his message to Kyle and looked it over several times. He assessed the damage of just how far he was willing to go getting involved in Kyle’s madness AGAIN. 

 

Before he could send it, though, Eric got a call over the radio requesting another unit. He put his phone away immediately and drove over towards Officer Harvey to an unfortunately familiar street.

His.


	7. Ignoring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feelings and drama and feelings and fluff babies
> 
>  
> 
> I had to come after I posted this and stress how many feelings there are in this. It could save one of your lives

He believed it as soon as Butters had said it, but seeing it brought it all new life.

Eric was well into the morning hours of a very long shift, one where he got mace in his eyes and mouth, and he was so ready for it to end now. Fantastically though, Eric was called over to his own street for a domestic. Just about his favorite thing in the whole wide world, but it was really special when it was just a few houses down from his. 

They generally didn’t have problems on his street, but a resident couple there made a call about their kid and his new shitty friends from the forbidden side of South Park. There were three total and all of them entitled little punks. They were having their fun with his mother‘s car, an apparently favorite target for this youth- Eric didn’t know why- and it quickly turned physical when the father found out what his son and his new friends were up to in the middle of hotwiring their car.

They made a racket in their attempt to find the mother’s keys, then banged around inside of the garage until the whole house was awake. The carport door was half way open when daddy came outside with a baseball bat.

This was, by far, the highest level of crazy Eric had ever had on his street, but he handled it like every other incident. With lots of mental detachment when it was finally over.

His face still stinging, Eric and the other officer apprehended the little demons in record time. Mostly due to Eric’s decrease in patience by the time he was 10 minutes late getting off. It made him a deadly mix of pissed off and tired.

He was pushing the resident kid, the most compliant of the three, and one of the assholes over to the Officer Harvey’s patrol car. All of them were handcuffed, but that didn’t make them a completely neutral threat. Harvey was less fortunate than Eric as the third kid in handcuffs was the most rambunctious. He was trying to bite at him anywhere he could reach. He wouldn’t be able to make it through the thick coats the police staff wore and break any skin, and that was the only thing saving him from being drug by his ankles into the patrol car.

Eric remembered a time he DID get bitten and when it broke the skin around his knuckles, the devil himself couldn’t have saved the man from Eric’s wrath. ‘Rights’ were not enforced whenever someone opted to spread any life altering diseases - like HIV- to an officer via biting. They didn’t get to be treated ‘decently’ when they did that. Luckily, the man was disclosed of being disease free when Eric asked for medical records. It could happen any time, though, and he might not be so lucky the next. 

Harvey’s kid decided to run while Eric and the other two waited by the car. Harvey easily chased him down and herded him back being more fit. Eric was thankful his shift was made of taller, more athletic people, an was just fine with his status as a ‘non-chaser’. No, he did not hop fences when they had a runner, no-no. He called in back up for that, and central could suck it.

Stuffed inside Harvey’s car, the three kids gave Eric dirty looks. He turned his nose up, glad to finally be off and spared of all the extra work. Harvey would handle it from here and that included the paperwork; giving Eric a much needed break.

He saw them off and went back inside to talk to the parents for a moment about what they’d do with their son. The mother seemed distraught, but the father wasn’t even pretending to listen. Possibly how these kids ended up being dirtbags in the first place- with fathers like this. 

Either way, he handled his part and finished his job. NOW he could go home. He walked out to his car and pulled his keys from his coat pocket. He stole a glance the few houses down to look at his. It was in literal walking distance. 

That’s when he saw it. Sitting in his driveway was a car that wasn’t his, and he had a pretty good idea who it belonged to. ‘Storming over’ was less chaotic than what Eric actually did.

Kyle was reading something in a half opened folder when a loud banging on his driver window had him spilling papers everywhere.

He rolled his eyes, not even having to look to KNOW, and opened his door wide enough to answer the angry scowl waiting on the other side. He should have guessed he wouldn’t be welcomed after their last visit, but he had actually believed the ‘old Cartman’ had buried somewhere.

“JESUS, Eric. I’m not going to stay long, I just came by to tell you something.”

“UHHH, since when did you get a job here?”

Kyle looked completely taken back. That’s not what he had expected Eric to be pissed about. His mind recalled Kenny mentioning how pissed Eric would be if he knew about Kyle’s secret affairs at the mayor’s office a few weeks ago. Then again when Kyle had confessed to Butters he’d gotten a job and he immediately responded with concern for Eric. Well...they were right to be.

He swallowed and looked down at the angry ball of fire staring up at him. With his arms crossed like that, Kyle was briefly reminded of his fierce, short mother.

 

“I had to.” Was all he could manage for some reason.

“You HAD to? WHO is MAKING you, Kahl!?”

Kyle blinked a few times, trying to find some leverage.  
“What’s it to YOU. Why are you so concerned?”

“No one else is going to look out for you. Certainly not yourself.”

“But why YOU? Do you know how many times Kenny and Butters have brought you up when I make a ‘’bad decision’’.” Kyle made quotations with his fingers, as if it was up for debate how bad his decisions were.  
“You’re not my wife, what the fuck is wrong with you people?”

Eric almost couldn’t believe he was still defending this.  
“US!? Really, US? We’re trying to help YOU, Kyle!”

“I don’t need help, though!”

How incredibly hypocritical of him and very much expected. KYLE had driven into town and made waves, creating a snowball of chaos, in the effort to FIX THEM. ‘THEM’ being this town, and ‘this town’ including Eric. Angry didn’t really cover it.

“NEITHER DO WE, but here you are trying to FIX US! Hello, Kettle!”

As if a dam had broke, so much anger and frustration came pouring out of him. Eric didn’t want it to, of course, but his anxiety, the mace from last night, the bruises from a few weeks ago, the THINGS Kyle’s very presence had ripped from Eric’s throat.... Things he wished he had never said, but again, had no control over. It was all building up. It’d been weeks since he’d last seen Kyle, and it had only taken a few short hours after his last visit to get Eric to a new level of stressed out. Finally, though unfortunately, everything had caught up to him.

Kyle knew Eric had been referring to his goal to fix the town, but what he’d said actually sounded extremely personal. The last time things went like this, all the life drained from Eric’s face, and, because of Kyle, he had to relive some horrible past atrocities that Kyle didn’t know anything about. That’s exactly NOT what Kyle wanted to put him through again. The sooner he could smooth Eric’s feathers, the better.

He held his hands up towards his chest and took a step back.

“Eric...I’m just worried.”

Kyle never called him Eric. He could count the times on one hand Kyle had ever called him Eric. 

It was completely disconnected to everything else happening right now, and yet it still struck some sort of chord in him. Something painful and raw inside the smaller boy began to cut its way to surface, and without his consent, was spoken before he could shut his mouth.

 

“Y-You......you haven’t been worried before.....”

 

Kyle had expected to make a quick comeback until his words had registered. He fell silent for a moment. Their eyes locked but he couldn’t read the other boy; unsure of how to proceed except with caution.  
“What?? What do you mean that I haven’t been-“

“You LEFT me before.”  
Frustration began to sting the corners of his eyes. He could have shut his mouth and avoided some pretty unwelcome things. Some things he never wanted to give life to, yet unfortunately instead, the word vomit just kept coming.

Kyle was beyond the point of confusion. All he could process was that he felt guilty for some reason. He didn’t know why he felt guilty since it was something long overdue and hidden beneath layers of years spent lying to himself. Lying in a way he wasn’t even aware he was doing. But somewhere deeper than the part of him that was all his running away from intimacy was the knowledge that he SHOULD feel guilty. 

Just because he buried it, kept it from having a voice, didn’t mean it wasn’t there. Finally now, Kyle could face the fact that- yes. He had left him.

“No...” It was a shallow attempt to convince himself again, but-  
“I didn’t...leave you....”

 

“What do you call walking out of our lives for ELEVAN Years?! I’m fucking 26 now, where were you for all that time??!”

“I wasn’t walking out on you....I was walking out in this town, and....ALL THE HATE. I wasn’t welcomed here after what happened. You know that, everyone remembers what my dad did.”

Eric could relate to that....and yes, he difnt forget.

“I know... I get it.... Everyone still remembers what I did, too...deep down... You can’t escape that sort of thing.” Eric swallowed the lump in his throat. It was getting harder to talk every second.  
“It just follows you.”

Kyle bit his lip until he almost drew blood. He didn’t know what had turned this conversation around so quickly, but it was a roller coaster of feelings that he wouldn’t have been equipped to deal with on the best of days.

“You might have escaped it, though.” Eric said softly, a part of him hoping Kyle wouldn’t hear.

He did, and it had his utmost attention.  
“How? I doubt it, I mean-“

“Because, I didn’t remember any of that when I saw you again. I just remembered...Kyle.”

That had Kyle stunned to say the least. Eric didn’t look at him, focusing on his knee high boots. Come to think of it, this was the first he’d seen Kyle in winter wear instead of a suit. The sight wasn’t exactly as familiar as teal pants and an orange coat, but he could get over the amount of red and black Kyle wore these days. Especially the red.

 

“What is going on with us lately?”  
Kyle laughed brokenly in a lame attempt to address how personal this was getting. 

Eric’s head popped up to try and read his face. It wasn’t anything more than a tall, dumbfounded boy and it put Eric at ease that he wasn’t the only one mystified by all their awkwardness lately. He shrugged to show his matching confusion, and shook him head. There was probably no answer for it.

They’d never had issues like this before and Eric wondered if he had caught Kyle before he left that fateful night if this is exactly what it would have been like.

Kyle was hated thanks to Gerald, yet luckily Ike was spared. Between that and Eric having to put his mother in a help center, the two had grown apart. That’s what teenage years were, he supposed. All of the kids growing up and facing horrible things that would change them completely and create these unmovable wedges in their future lives.

Those wedges hadn’t meant the night that Kyle left wasn’t the night Eric had come to his senses about a lot of things. Everything, actually. He regretted tapping into other people’s paranoia and hate for Kyle after Gerald’s transgressions. All Eric had wanted in the first place was to just be friends with him, have some normalcy in his life like other kids did. Eric chose poorly as a child, then again as a teenager, and it pretty much sealed the fate of their relationship.

He watched Kyle’s bus leave South Park forever before any of that could be fixed. Butters had done his best to console him while he beat the pavement, but Eric would never be the same again once Kyle had left. 

He was officially alone.

After silence and nervous, fleeting stares, Kyle found his voice for both of their sakes.  
“Uh, I just came here to...give you this....” He put a stack of money in Eric’s hand, the likes of which he could confidently say was more money than he’d ever had in his savings account. He’d held $400 once and that alone was a power rush.

“I sued those girls, like you predicted I would. For you...basically. But I didn’t tell them that, of course. The mayor wasn’t happy about it, and it was harder for me to get a job. But I mean....here’s that medical expense for when they hit you.”

“How did you get-“

“I can make things happen. You’ll start to see that a lot more now.” Kyle didn’t want him thinking too much about the amount. It wasn’t like the family of those girls were going to be cash cows and he would only flip his lid if he knew where that stack had officially came from.

“Well....I mean....I didn’t go to the hospital.”

“So what. You should be compensated for what they did to you.” 

Eric’s eyebrows shot up, but he didn’t explore that.  
“Did they get ordered Juvy?”

“I went a little over board, but don’t worry about it. They hate me more than you. Though that was another reason it was hard to get a job.... But the good news is that I think the mayor believes I’m less of a threat now. Thinks I’ll be too busy with work.”

 

Eric’s eyes went wide.  
“SO BE THAT. Kyle this is your outlet, you can move out of the danger zone, finally. TAKE IT.”

“Too late. I had some business with the school a few weeks back and I’ve been using my position as appointed lawyer to move that along.”

Eric could only gawk. Physical altercations were illegal, but he’d love to slap him sideways right now.

“Kyle you are....such an idiot.” He sounded more exasperated than anything. Kyle expected it at this point, and accepted it completely.

“I can handle me. You take the money, do whatever you want with it, and just let me fix things. I promised you I would.”

Eric froze, instantly recalling Kyle screaming through his door he was ‘going to fix this’ two weeks ago.

“I-i wasn’t listening then.”

“Well, I’m telling you now. Now you know.” Kyle turned around to open his car door.

“Kyle, wait!”  
Eric swallowed and ducked his eyes away. He leaned a hand on the door to keep him from opening it. If staring could burn holes in the ground, it would have by now.

“You...you trying to fix everything. If you’re fixing this town, I don’t believe you thought getting a job here would make it happen. Using your position now that you’ve got one is a nice bonus, but I don’t think you saw it happening this way exactly....”

Kyle slowly turned away from the car and faced him. Eric was still staring at the ground, though.

“But......if you were trying to fix ME....”

Kyle swallowed. Honestly, none of this had synched up in his brain. If it had, he hadn’t allowed it to take shape.

“Like, I’m trying to figure this out. Like, you throwing everything around to get a job here.......Did you do this for me?” 

He sucked in a breath and held it while Eric’s words shook his core.

In theory, yes. At the time, Kyle had done this for Eric. The hurt in his eyes when he spoke about what happened, while he didn’t actually tell Kyle any details, was too much. At the time, after everything Eric had done for him over the past few days and the extra grief Kyle had put him through...he just HAD to. He marched into the mayor’s office asking for a job solely for Eric’s sake.

He just thought, if he could be closer, if he had more power...Kyle could fix him. He could fix all his hurt.

What he hadn’t thought about was why he was bothering in the first place. He was so far down the rabbit hole, he was practically shoving all his goals and aspirations out the window to set course on a dead end road that wasn’t getting construction done anytime soon. He was dropping everything to fix something he knew nothing about.

But this was all Kyle knew to do. When something mattered more than anything else, fixing it was the most important thing. It almost always ended in total disaster but Kyle would be a damned liar if he said he ever learned from those mistakes.

As promised, here he was right now having to ask himself what was it even for honestly? 

As if body impulsively knew the answer to this, Kyle looked down at Eric just as the shorter boy was turning his eyes to him. 

There was something in Eric’s face Kyle had seen many times, yet had never realized what he was staring at.

Something terrible clicked together inside Kyle’s head, and he was starting to understand what he was doing this for. 

All he knew was that it was a feeling. Some undefinable feeling that was definable enough to know it was dangerous territory, and much bigger than feeling it his ‘job’ to make things right.

Kyle suddenly moved back towards the car.

“I...I should go...”

“But I haven’t thanked you.” Eric said stupidly.  
He knew full well this thing that was happening between them was full of nervous, confusing feelings neither one wanted to address. 

But he didn’t want him to leave yet.

“No, it’s ok. This is...thanks enough.” Kyle gestured to nothing in particular, eager to get out of there.

Eric suddenly looked strangely hurt. Kyle couldn’t have know that it was from frustration aimed at himself and had nothing to do with Kyle’s dogginess. Eric just wasn’t processing what was happening and he was frustrated whatever it was was quickly slipping away. It would be unattainable if Kyle left now.

Luckily, the struggle in Eric’s eyes kept him from getting in the car. It also brought an uncomfortable need for Kyke to explain himself out of the blue with it.

“Yeah... yeah, it was for you, ok? I did it for you. But it wasn’t like....you aren’t the only reason I did it. I mean... it worked out.”

Eric hadn’t expected Kyle to confess to anything, he was just hoping for something they could say that might keep him there. Not THIS.

Eric ignored making the argument twice that Kyle hadn’t known it would help him in his endeavors before he had done it. There were more important things to address, like:

“You......really did it for me?”

“Yes! But not entirely. So, no. Yes and no!”

“Well it was a stupid idea.” Eric whispered. Yet there was no heart in his words.

“Well, what’s done is done. Trust me, this doesn’t have to change anything.”

But it had basically changed everything. Eric didn’t look at him. He wanted to keep him here, to figure out what was happening between them, but he had run out of things to say and all the awkward things he had said were enough to keep Kyle’s hand on the door handle.

 

He ducked his head and let it slip away. He should be content enough he got such a strangely intimate confession out of Kyle and from there let it go.

 

“Did you really think I left you?” 

Eric’s eyes went wide. His head slowly raised to level Kyle with complete surprise. The ginger wet his lips.

“I.....for a long time I did. I didn’t think about all the hate you were getting, Kyle.

 

“Yeah well, YOU added to it.”

“I’m....sorry.”

Eric’s confession had Kyle reeling back in shock for the 9th time in ten minutes.

“Like....I’m so used to getting hate all the time, even before I was a cop. I was basically always hated and...what could I do about that? I couldn’t sit around and let it bother me....much. That didn’t mean you....I shouldn’t have...”

“Well I was the one adding to your problems then....”

Eric scoffed. Yes Kyle was his biggest obstacle as a child. However....  
“You can’t think about back then. We were kids and we were both awful.”

“Yeah, but, have we really changed that much since then?”

“I have.” Eric said firmly, his eyes steeling over.  
“Everything has changed for me. I’m sure you have to, it’s just, nobody has been around to see it.”

“Can you see it now?”

“I mean aside from your crazy Justice obsession, martyr complex, and irrational decision making when you start having emotions...definitely.”

Kyle was caught between worrying about what kind of asshole he was for once and laughing. That did not paint a pretty picture, after all.

“Luckily, I’ve changed enough for the both of us.” Eric felt stupid joking right now, but Kyle’s small smile was encouraging.

“Yeah...I’m kind of hopeless...” 

“Not at all. If you’re stuck here in this town for a while, we can probably teach you some things.”

“Wow, am I that bad off?”

“You just said that you were hopeless.”

“Lie to me.”

Eric bit his lip, feeling surprisingly at ease all of the sudden.

“Alright. Well, you look really good in a suit.”

“WOW. You wish you looked half as good as I do, Cartman.”

“I do, actually.”

“Don’t. Curly hair is not what you think it is.”

“I wouldn’t know. I never see it. Do you wear that thing in the court room?”

That reminded Kyle way too much of Morgan all of a sudden. Neither would deter him from his near constant ushanka wearing, though.

“Ha! Did your utility belt make your ass fatter?”

“You spend way too much time looking at my belt, Kyle.”

Kyle froze, mouth snapping shut.

“You....notice that?” KYLE didn’t even notice that. Did he do that a lot? He had no idea....

“Yeah, I mean...twice...I-I think. Like when I’m walking away sometimes.” Eric instantly regretted saying so. If this didn’t ruin their chances of normalcy at the least and create a sexual harassment lawsuit at its worst, nothing would. 

Kyle needed a moment to let himself process everything. He was a smart man. A young lawyer with exceptional talent and a wonderful eye for detail. 

Very wonderful.

So...WHY then were these little details going over his head??

He’d pretty much forked over everything on a whim to help Eric out, preferably from the shadows. In fact, he was hoping Eric would never know about it. Now he was hearing that he was STARING at his hips on occasion. Then there was that feeling he got when Eric looked at him.

It was becoming clearer, but still SO, SO foggy.

It was like his body knew something that his brain didn’t, and it was racing to catch up.

“Ugh, Eric. I think somethings wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Eric instantly looked worried. That was about the most deathly sentence Kyle had ever spoken to him.

Kyle was starting to get unexplainably feverish.

“I mean... I mean I don’t feel...right?”

“What? What are you talking about? Talk to me.”  
Eric’s hands reached out to steady him as Kyle hadn’t even realized he was swaying.

“Shit, Kyle what’s going on? Do you need a hospital!?”

“No.” His closed his eyes to try and gather himself. He was not making a convincing case, but after a minute of breathing, Kyle knew what was going on.

“Kyle, you’re seriously freaking me out.”

“I think I’m having an anxiety attack.”

“A WHAT.”

“I TOLD you everyone has anxiety!”  
Kyle’s hand came up to clutch at his chest.

 

“I didn’t know you have attacks!”

“I usually don’t! Please stop yelling your stressing me out.”

“Sorry.” Eric tried to calm himself but Kyle’s heavy breathing wasn’t helping. What the fuck was happening!

“Sometimes I just panic, I can’t decide when it happens. I-I don’t like being out of control!”

“Well it will be over soon, just relax-“

“No! I mean about my feelings!”

 

Eric’s brow furrowed, but he tried to remain reassuring.

“You’re having feelings you can’t control?...well, i mean, yeah. That’s why they’re called feelings.”

“No. No. I can almost always dictate my feelings.”

“Nobody can do that-“

“I can and right now I’m having so many things happen to me, they’re just haywire!”

“What are you feeling exactly? You know what, don’t talk. Either sit down or come inside. You are a loose canon right now.”

There were no jokes about how Kyle was practically always a loose canon. Instead, Eric helped him stumble inside his living room on shaky legs. 

Kyle was a lot taller, but Eric was strong and he could handle a lot more weight than a half conscious Kyle was throwing at him.

He put him on his sofa and went to get some water. 

He didn’t think it was fair Kyle was having an attack. Eric deserved more than anyone to drown in his tsunami wave of emotions. He had a lot more to deal with than Kyle’s ludicrous confessions than KYLE did. Eric was keeping his mouth shut for once and trying to keep his head down, lest Kyle run away from him like everything that gave him feelings. And in the end, he ended up having his meltdown anyway. Rude.

Eric returned with the glass and waited a minute for him to see straight again before he handed him the glass. Kyle took it and drank, then he made a pained face that sent Eric’s heart racing.

“Is this sink water? Egh.”

The brunette instantly relaxed, eyes rolling to the ceiling.  
“What kind of white girl are you?” He muttered.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard the saying ‘white girls won’t drink from the sink, but they’ll drink from your bottle?’” *wink*

“NOPE.”

“Now you have.” Eric said snobbishly.

Kyle had to laugh. It was the weirdest shit Cartman had said to him...EVER POSSIBLY. He tried to pick his brain for a better circumstance, yet he couldn’t come up with any. Mostly because they would mean some pretty awful memories and his brain couldn’t see anything past the little brunette taking his glass from him and waiting at his side like a nurse. 

It could have something to do with the position he was in, half sitting, half laying on the couch and growing more tired by the second. He never thought straight when he was tired.

“Listen, Eric, I- JESUS! FUCK!” Kyle was spitting out a mouthful of tail and sitting straight in the blink of an eye.

He looked down at that flash of grey perching menacingly beside him. There was Gumbo looking at Kyle over his shoulder with angry little slits. He meowed low and loud, his signature sound, and gave him this spiteful little look.

“Fucking cat....” Kyle pulled cat hair off of his tongue and stared at it in his hand like a bottle of poison. Great.

Suddenly the ball of fur was stuffed into his face and Kyle was forced to jerk his head back.

“This is Gumbo!” Eric chirped. 

Kyle couldn’t see anything past the large green eyes staring back at him, but he could hear the smile in Cartman’s voice.

“Uhhh.”

“I rescued him from a meth head’s house.”

“JESUS....”

He pulled Gumbo put of Kyle’s face and wrapped an arm underneath his back. He cradled the fat little thing close and kissed the top of its head.

Kyle stared at it like it was a parasite. It kind of was, stealing away all of Cartman’s attention. 

“...He really likes you.” Kyle mumbled, not knowing what else to say.

“Yeah, he’s my bay-bee. My little yam yam.” Eric swaddled it like a fucking child and rubbed their faces together. Gumbo closed his eyes and happily accepted the attention.

Kyle was trying to keep it together but he couldn’t hold his snorting in forever. They looked so stupid together.

The couple opened their eyes and glared at him. 

“Alright, shows over.” Eric mumbled, and set Gumbo down on the coffee table. He straightened up and started undoing his utility belt, eager to be free of all the equipment strapped to him after hours stuck in it.

Kyle tried not to stare as the layers came off. They looked miserable. All the gear, the ear pieces, the radio, the padding.

“Yeah...it sucks.” Eric said as if reading his mind.”

“No I wasn’t-“  
“It’s not the worst thing.”  
“Staring at your hips.”

“Oh.” Eric blinked down at him. 

Their faces turned the same color and they looked away from one another in a hurry. 

“No, I didn’t mean...”

“It’s cool I didn’t....think you were..uh staring or....”

“Yeah, no I wasn’t.”  
They locked eyes for a moment, ears red.  
“I really wasn’t.”

Eric shrugged it away. It wasn’t a big deal if he had been, but he believed him. But still...it would be totally fine.

Eric suddenly felt the word vomit come back up against his wishes.  
“Is this....are we cool then? I mean, there’s so much happening between us.”  
It was a very assuming word choice.

*I don’t want it to end here* wisely went unspoken.

Kyle swallowed and counted his teeth with his tongue. His brain absent of any serious thought while a certain feeling that something important was happening right now washed over him. 

He wondered if he’d do better to ignore it.

“Yeah. I’ll see you around.” Kyle said as he stood from the couch, brushing Gumbo’s hair globs from his coat away.

“Cool. Great, man. That’s great....So I’ll see you later. On better terms, hopefully.”  
Eric slapped Kyle’s shoulder. What better terms than confusing feelings and swallowing down shy little looks at Kyle were they capable of at this point?

Kyle nodded though, trying to keep things civil. They’d both be miserable if he made things weird now.  
“Yeah. Later. Uhh, want to come over next week?”

“Yeah, sure thing-“  
Eric’s heart began to hammer in his chest. The words sunk in and the only thing he could think to say was that  
“Christmas is next week.” and hope that could disguise his shock.

“Well, we don’t celebrate it.”

Fuck, right. How could he forget that? FUCK, he looked so stupid.

“But you do and like....I bet you don’t have anyone around so....come-come over.” Kyle shrugged. He, possibly insanely, decided the only way things were going to be normal between them is if they hung out like they used to. More likely it was a dangerous stretch that could mean there’d be punching and screaming involved.  
Well, it did when they were kids. 

So that would be the only logical outcome now, right?

“Ok, uhh, cool.”

“To my mom’s house of course.” 

Eric looked surprised, though it made a little more sense than Kyle’s rented hotel room.  
“.....Is your mom alright with that???”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t she be?”

“Feh. That’s very audacious of you. You’re poor mother.”

“Last time I checked, you hated her.” Kyle quipped for no good reason.

“Then why invite me!”

“Well.....” And THAT is why he shouldn’t have said that.

“No.”  
Eric looked down at Kyle’s glass on the coffee table, sort of distant.  
“I’ve gone out there a few times. We’re ok.”

“EXCUSE ME?” Now this was news to Kyle. 

He stood straight and closed the distance between them in one long step. Eric fisted his fingers in the bottom of his shirt and stared up in a slight panic. That thing Eric said a few weeks ago about Kyle being able to hurt him was very true. He only hoped that irrational anger had outgrown the physical parts it brought with it.

Kyle wasn’t mad at him, not by a long shot. His concern and fear always mixed into an aura of outrage. It was not only inevitable, it was Kyle’s very blood, and he couldn’t help that he had ‘resting murder face’ at 80% of all times. 

“What were you doing there?”

“Well...I probably shouldn’t say if she didn’t tell you....”

“Bullshit. Police records are public information.”

“Some of what happened wasn’t recorded.”

“And you’re telling a lawyer that?”

“Not admissible, and know it. Look Kyle I know your pissed-“

“I’m not pissed, I’m WORRIED!....Why didn’t she tell me?” Kyle looked away from him. His mother told him everything.  
Unless it made him worry....

What he he’ll could they have called Cartman out there for? Was it recent? Had it been since he was back in town? Did mom have enemies?

Eric watched the struggle rage inside those viper green eyes. They glittered with worry, the kind of worry Kyle showed everytime it came to Ike or his mother and it was practically always inconsolable. But Eric could try for decency’s sake. Which was like his least favorite thing but it was Kyle....

“Look, it was only, like.... a man thought that your dad was still there. He got rowdy and started pointing fingers, but Ike called me immediately. Nothing happened.”

“Oh....that’s all, huh? Well I- wait why did he call YOU?”

“Oh uhhh. There was a time before that, too. You probably remember it. You know when your dad came back to get his things and your mom got all crazy?”

A cat-like grin began to form on Kyle’s pale face.  
“Yes. And Ike called me saying dad had to call the cops for protection.” Kyle could laugh now. At the time he couldn’t. It was one more thing to burn from his memory and bury himself in school books.

“I was working that night. I was zero help for your dad, and it kind of put your mom and me in a good place.” Eric hummed at the memory.

Kyle was speechless. Eric was literally full of surprises. And just when he was certain he’d seen it all after Eric walked out on stage and sang effortlessly from The Little Mermaid during Heidi’s high school talent party. It was meant to be a joke after Clyde had dared him, but Eric was bragging about all the numbers he’d gotten for it within the hour. Rightfully so, honestly.

Still, THIS was much more surprising, unbelievable even.

 

Kenny’s words echoed in his head, ringing louder every second Kyle locked eyes with the shorter boy.  
*Honestly, Kyle. He’s not an incapable child.*

And Stan had readily agreed with that. 

What had Kyle missed when he left? Eric growing up and looking after their friends and family? Eric acting like getting hit in the face by a crowbar was his hot new normal? Eric sparing the perpetrators because they were girls.

Kyle settled for something his brain could tangibly grasp, though.  
“I still wish she’d have told me....” 

“Well then ask her about it.”

“You aren’t worried about her knowing you told me, anymore?”

“Nahhh. It’ll be ok. I had to threaten to arrest her when she pushed Gerald’s computer off the top floor near his head. I told her afterwards that I just had to say that while civilians were watching.”

“Are you serious?!”

“About which part?”

“ALL OF IT.”

“DEADLY. Like your mom. I think I’ve earned some leeway to tell her son her secrets-“

Eric was wrapped into a hug he wasn’t prepared for. It was so sudden and so unexpected, that Eric still hadn’t realized it was happening as Kyle clung to him. It was quiet for a long time, or what felt like a long time, with Eric in awe of the subtle sensations filling around them.

“.....I couldn’t be there.”  
It was mournful, regretful. Kyle was apologizing for something he couldn’t really help.

Eric swallowed. He wanted so badly to say it wasn’t his fault. That he had his own life. As much as Eric had very much blamed him at the time that he had left them, he wanted to tell him it was ok. But he couldn’t do anything but stare over Kyle’s shoulder.

His heart had jumped into his throat and he stood stark still with his arms stuck at his sides from Kyle’s strong arms.

If you told him he would be meeting Kyle today, ready to punch his lights out for getting a job here, he’d believe that. 

He would not believe it if you told him he’d be hearing a series of confessions, witnessing Kyle’s legendary anxiety attack only Stan knew about, and be pulled into a hug by former nemesis.

Something twisted in his gut when Kyle let go. The anxious feeling began to fester when he saw the look that Kyle was giving him. It was not unknown, but it was strictly reserved for a special type of person in Kyle’s life, one which Eric did not fit the bill for.

Worse than all of that, Kyle was apparently having no trouble looking him in the face anymore while Eric was still struggling to share a 2 second glance. Whatever changed for the fifth time that day was not exactly in Eric’s favor if he hoped to remain the ‘tough one’.

Deep breaths. He just had to keep it together until Kyle was out of here.

“You need my number?” Kyle asked, voice annoyingly calm now.

“N-No, I sent you that text, uh, earlier.”

“Oh, What text?”

Eric suddenly remembered he’d been sent to that call before he could press send. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and pulled up his messages. There in the text box was the message he’d carefully typed out.

“Um. I thought I had sent this...”

“What was it about?”

Eric looked down. He read over what he had wrote for the fourth time, only now it looked completely wrong. 

None of it addressed the kaleidoscope of emotion that transpired there that morning. If he had sent this text, this angry, lecture filled text in an attempt to shut down Kyle’s rampant string of bad ideas, none of what happened here today would have happened.

“Ahhh, I was- I was sending you my number. So you’d have it. I-Incase.”

“Sweet, dude. Go ahead and send it now.” Kyle’s smile was soft, the kind of look he reserved for Stan and Nicole. Eric had never seen it directed at him before and it made him unexplainably weak. 

He wiped the text box clean and sent Kyle his number.

He felt out of place all at once. Kyle pulled his phone out just as it began to vibrate.

“W-wow. How boring. You just...uh, leave it on vibrate?”  
Eric was fishing, using insults to compensate for his stupid awkwardness while Kyle looked so chill over there.

“More business like. What’s your’s?” Kyle nudged him. If left a warm spot through the fabric of Eric’s shirt.

“Some Kawaii Desu shit.”

“SOME WHAT.”

“......Cartman stuff.”

“Ah-ha.” As if that clicked.  
“Keep in touch. I’ll be around. Um, a lot more now...” Kyle hoped his joke wasn’t still raw for Eric. He was pretty pissed about the whole thing just an hour ago, after all.

“Yeah, Do will I.... Um I’m in court a lot... plus I guess I’ll see you next week a-and all.”

“Yeah definitely. I’ll tell Ma you’re coming.”

Eric flushed pink. The entire sentence felt incredibly intimate, something he couldn’t handle with the plethora of mixed signals they had just swam through in the last 50 minutes.

“Great.” Eric managed. He had no control over the shake in his voice. Kyle REALLY should leave sooner than later. He needed to fucking PROCESS this.

 

Still unnervingly relaxed, Kyle waved goodbye and walked himself out so Eric could get comfy finally. He tripped over and cursed at Gumbo on his way out, but made sure to lock the door. 

Eric watched it shut, finally at peace with the storm in his brain, and the first thing he did was shove his phone in the highest cabinet in the kitchen with the help of a chair so he wouldn’t be tempted to tell Butters anything. Then he went upstairs into his bedroom to search his closest.


End file.
